NEW YORK – Satanic cult leaders announced today at a press conference that they are in the midst of organizing a youth sports program to counter the fast growing and popular Upward curriculum that has captivated Christian churches throughout the United States.

Upward, well known among Christians as a ministry that encourages youths to seek Jesus Christ, provides opportunities for children to play sports without being competitive, ensuring that each child on the team receives “equal playing time” regardless of ability.

Jeff Barnes (aka Dark Brother) led the press conference on the steps of New York’s City Hall and suggested that today’s youth have been “corrupted by the spinelessness” of 21st century Christianity, and that allowing children to “play sports in a pretend world where merit is not rewarded and everyone gets along regardless of what team they are on” sends a poor message to the future leaders of the world.

Barnes revealed that the Satanic youth sports program would bear the name “Downward” and would be designed to encourage children to take a no-holds barred approach to competitive sports. According to Barnes, cheating would be emphasized, as would fighting and injuring the opposing team’s players. In addition, players that were believed to be taking it easy on opponents would be penalized and sent to the locker room for a “flogging.”

As a means of competing with Upward’s cheerleading program for young

This satanic cup was awarded to a victorious 4th grade Downward team after a lacrosse victory in which three of their opponents died during play

girls, Downward has launched a similar program of their own in which cheerleaders would be expected to aid and assist the team players in fomenting violence on the playing field. Uniforms would be modeled after those worn by Las Vegas adult performers, and dance moves would be patterned after those typically found in any variety of adult entertainment venues.

In the wake of Downward’s announcement, rumors have surfaced indicating that Larry Flynt has volunteered for the position of National Director of Cheerleading for Downward.