DUBAI, United Arab Emirates – Looking to tap into the momentum generated by his wildly popular ban on BlackBerry devices, UAE President Khalifa bin Zayid Al-Nuhayyan today announced an expanded campaign against what he called “20th century technologies that offend the sensibilities.”

“Bear in mind, this is just the start of even greater things to come,” he said. “By no means is this list exhaustive.”

Below is a summary of newly banned technologies and the reasoning as presented by the president during an exposition with the country’s legal branch, which is a hybrid of civil and sharia law:

Earlier this week, the UAE declared that BlackBerry mobile technology, including Internet and e-mail services, would be banned within the country out of concerns the devices were circumventing government oversight.

“This is a brave stand against Westernization and the first step back toward righteousness for the UAE,” said Osama bin Laden, the orchestrator of the 9-11 attacks who now runs a large consulting group in Islamabad, Pakistan. “Banning BlackBerry devices in a country that boasts the region’s largest airport, an international business hub and a high standard of living shows that no matter how far down the wrong path you’ve gone, it’s never too late to turn around.”

The BlackBerry ban, said bin Zayid Al-Nuhayyan, “really got us thinking, why not take a look at other Western evils foisted upon us recently, and by recently, I mean within the past century for starters.”

bin Zayid Al-Nuhayyan “virtually guarantees” the list will grow. Although he wouldn’t specify what would be next, he did offer this word of advice:

“I heard that a lot of women are complaining about how expensive auto insurance is. Well, let’s just say they’ll soon have no need to worry about that.”

A man uses a BlackBerry in Dubai. A dangerous secularist is probably on the other line.