ROKER: “This is Al Roker reporting exclusively for NBC from INSIDE the California wildfires! Usually, I get to forecast all the big chills and now it’s hot, hot, hot! I’m LIVE, exclusively for NBC, from somewhere here in Southern California. These wildfires have burned out of control for several days now, with no end in sight. I gotta tell ya, the smell of all these burning juniper trees reminds me of a giant barbecue pit. I could get some pork ribs, put a little dry rub on ‘em, m-mmm. Just like mama’s.
“We have a firefighter with us over here today. Let me, if I can, just interrupt for one second. Now, let everybody look at you. This is Jesse Graves, everybody, and he’s here fighting the blaze. What a piece of man candy he is, right? Can we get a quick word with you Jesse?”
GRAVES: “Uh, I’m kinda busy with this hose.”
ROKER: “We’ll try to get back to Jesse. Maybe in the meantime, we can show you the hose. Wait ‘till you see what comes out of there. Water! High pressure water just shooting all over that house. Doesn’t it look like a giant spray can of whipped cream shooting all over a strawberry-rhubarb pie? And who doesn’t like pie? I know I could go for a nice slice of pie just as soon as I’m done here. Maybe two!
“Wait. What’s this? I’m told we have the owner of the house available to speak with us over here.
“This is Vernon Pike, everybody, and he owns the house which they’re currently dousing with large amounts of water. I guess the first question everybody has, Vernon, is how does it feel, having your house burn down in the wildfires?”
PIKE: “It’s a terrible feeling, Al.”
ROKER: “Terrible?”
PIKE: “Yup.”
ROKER: “Uh, You have insurance, though, right?”
PIKE: “Nope. Insurance comp’ny’s ‘r jest evil. I don’t do business with ‘em. Profit-mongers.”
ROKER: “So, Vernon, what are you going to do?”
PIKE: “I got me a truck an’ some salt pork an’ a rifle. I’m gonna be OK.”
ROKER: “There you have it, folks. A real, honest, man’s man. But I have to ask, Vernon, what are you doing here? The government issued an evacuation order. Why didn’t you evacuate with all your neighbors?”
PIKE: “No gub’ment gonna tell me where to go. Way I reckon it, if’n I leave, Obama’ll just take my house while I’m gone. I ain’t exactly figured out how, but he’d do it if’n you give him half a minute. He’d just take my house and give it to some border-jumper, let him. And probably ain’t got no job at that. All them gub’ment folks are all sneaky like that. Watch ‘em. Gub’ment prob’ly set these here fires just to clear out some decent honest folk an’ steal their land from ‘em.”
ROKER: “That’s the longest speech you’ve ever given in your life, isn’t it?”
PIKE: [spits]
ROKER: “None of us can worry about that, though, because it’s not something we can control. What we can control is what we do in each of our own hometowns. To that end, that’s what’s going on in the country, now here’s what’s happening in your neck of the woods.”
Originally posted 2009-09-15 19:52:05. Republished by Blog Post Promoter
