WASHINGTON – US Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner has a lot resting on his shoulders: Printing fake money that will still be accepted in world markets, delaying the ramifications of a “spend what you don’t have to buy what you don’t need” culture for another generation and soothing the frayed nerves of the 90% of Americans who have felt no ill effects of Great Depression v2.0 yet continue to respond in lockstep fashion to calamitous headlines urging them to melt gold teeth fillings and stockpile tuna, beans and cash under their mattresses.

Making matters worse is a chronic lack of underlings to assist him as he toils in an undisclosed location to right America’s economic course. In fact, only one of 15 vital positions that support the Treasury Secretary have been filled. Geithner lacks a deputy secretary, deputy under secretaries and under secretaries for international affairs.

Tax-cheat Timmy needs all the staff support he can get.

He must also currently manage without a caddy, sandwich technician or personal shopper.

But help may be on the way, albeit from an unusual source: a temp-to-hire staffing agency.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” said Subterranean Ounces, a spokesperson on loan to Geithner from the Center for Food Safety and Applied Nutrition. Geithner also lacks a PR staff.

Ounces confirmed that the Treasury Department had retained the services of OfficeTeam, which calls itself the world’s largest “specialized temporary staffing service for administrative professionals.”

“OfficeTeam can get boots on the ground, and that’s what we need right now,” said Ounces. “A crisis is the worst time to worry about things like qualifications and core competencies. If it were, Mr. Geithner himself and indeed much of the current administration wouldn’t be at their posts.”

Senator Tom Carper of Delaware, who serves on the Senate’s Finance Committee and recently engaged the Secretary in light banter during a hearing, agrees. “Obviously, he needs help,” he said. “He told me he hardly ever gets to see his family.”

Although the government will have to pay a headhunting fee to OfficeTeam, the investment is “well worth it” according to Ounces. “Normally, they wouldn’t fill positions like caddies and sandwich techs,” he said, “but they’ve agreed to in this case, along with the higher positions in the cabinet.”

The move could also help rehabilitate the beleaguered Treasury Secretary’s image. Since taking office, the camera-shy Geithner has been sighted only on rare occasions. A robust  support staff, according to political analysts, could free up some time for Geithner to put in more public appearances.

“What the country needs right now is confidence,” said popular market analyst Jim Cramer. “At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if his staff is remotely qualified. He himself isn’t.

“But the American consumer does as he’s told. The problem is, no one’s telling him.

“The message has to be to go out and charge pedigreed dogs, designer jeans, truffles, Tiffany Lamps and all the other useless crap that fuels our economy. We need to get back to that core message, and I think having a fully staffed Treasury Department will help.”

As of press time, OfficeTeam confirmed it had placed seven of the 17 targeted vacancies. Although it would not offer details on all the vacancies that had been filled, it did confirm that it had recruited a former H&R Block assistant store manager for the role of Geithner’s deputy secretary.

Originally posted 2009-03-09 20:39:23. Republished by Blog Post Promoter