AUGUSTA,Ga. – The image was so moving and so romantic, it has captivated the nation’s attention: there was Phil Mickelson, only moments after securing his third Masters championship, embracing Amy, his cancer-stricken wife, with tears rolling down his face. What the camera did not capture, however, was Tiger Woods standing twenty yards away with his caddy, arms crossed in defiance and aiming a piercing stare at the love-struck couple.

Normally accustomed to receiving the brunt of the media focus, Woods stated the attention on Mickelson was disconcerting. “I’m still Tiger Woods, right?” he said to the lone reporter who bothered to interview him at the event (later identified as one Justin Hartsell, a sophomore at Westside High School and sports editor of the school’s newspaper. Sources later confirmed, though, that the only question Hartsell had asked Woods was “What does sex feel like?”). After a lackluster fourth, many spectators were reluctant to answer Wood’s question (not Hartsell’s). “I knew there was some guy who looked a bit like Tiger out there,” said Bobby Burns, a local restaurateur who hasn’t missed a Masters championship in 15 years. “Or at least he was black. Or I think he was black. No, he was definitely black. I think.”

Woods was spotted skulking off the fairway even before Mickelson and his wife had separated from their impassioned hug, and he did not do any additional interviews.  However, witnesses observed that Woods twice stepped in front of camera crews filming interview sessions of second place finisher, Lee Westwood, and Augusta head greens-keeper, Jimmy Shelenberger, respectively. He also stole the note pad of a Golf Digest writer and tried to flush the pages down a toilet at the clubhouse.

Later in the evening, however, Sports Illustrated writer, Peter King, did actually speak with Tiger. “I talked to Tiger on his cell phone a couple hours after the match,” said King. “I had just finished up talking with Charles Barkley, which had taken place right after I had a conversation with Kobe Bryant, who I had to put on hold in the middle of our conversation to accept a call from Tom Brady, who wanted to tell me of the latest Starbucks to open in Boston.” During his phone call, King relates that Tiger was very discouraged by the whole day. “Tiger thinks he should have won, but even if he didn’t win, he still should have been treated as if he had won. And I agree. He’s the most important sports figure of this century, with the possible exception of Brett Favre – who I spoke with last night, by the way. And he called me, not the other way around.”

King asked Mr. Woods why he felt the press was treating him so unfairly. “I point blank asked him why he believed he was at a disadvantage,” King said, “and Tiger told me ‘It’s my wife. She never gets sick. She has that Scandinavian constitution, works out all the time, and is a strict vegetarian. How am I supposed to rehab my image when she won’t get so much as a cold? Hell, by all accounts she must be immune to gonorrhea, too.’”

Tiger slams his swoosh-adorned cap in frustration during a Mickelson spousal embrace. Woods later apologized to Nike.

Presumably, it will be years before Elin hugs Tiger in public again. King reports that Woods acknowledges this possibility, and has already spent time practicing soulful heartfelt embraces with his caddy in front of three way mirrors to ensure, with Tiger’s typical attention to detail, that every angle is appealing and inspiring.

Originally posted 2010-04-12 20:17:38. Republished by Blog Post Promoter