Posts tagged with the keyword: ‘Obama’

Obama considers resigning presidency to host show on The Travel Channel

Obama considers resigning presidency to host show on The Travel Channel

White House Press Secretary, Robert Gibbs, announced at a press briefing this morning that President Obama is mulling resigning the presidency in favor of hosting his own show on The Travel Channel. “The presidency has offered the President unparalleled opportunity to explore his true passion: travel – or more specifically, vacationing,” said Gibbs. “The Travel [...]

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Pelosi alleges conspiracy by “all Americans” to thwart her poll numbers

Pelosi alleges conspiracy by “all Americans” to thwart her poll numbers

Only hours after demanding that federal authorities investigate groups opposed to the construction of a mosque at Ground Zero in Manhattan, Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, has turned her attention to another target: namely, every American citizen. Specifically, Pelosi has leveled the charge that her falling job performance numbers are the result of well-financed [...]

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Obama names three out-of-work Americans as newest Administration Czars

Obama names three out-of-work Americans as newest Administration Czars

WASHINGTON – Even as the Senate overcame a Republican filibuster that sought to prevent a $33.9 billion extension of unemployment benefits from being “financed” with more debt, President Obama single-handedly reduced the unemployment rate of the three Americans who joined him at a press briefing Monday in the Rose Garden from 100 to zero percent [...]

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Obama, Congress hope to use hot air to plug Gulf oil leak

Obama, Congress hope to use hot air to plug Gulf oil leak

WASHINGTON – After BP proposals with patently absurd names such as “Top Hat,” “Top Kill” and “Junk Shot” failed to stem the flow of oil from the Gulf Leak, the Obama administration is hoping to ratchet up such rhetorical foolery even more, aiming to literally harness it by directing the hot air it produces to [...]

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Specter switches parties again, this time to New Black Panther Party

Specter switches parties again, this time to New Black Panther Party

In the course of his long political career, Sen. Arlen Specter has been a Democrat, then a Republican, and most recently, a Democrat again. Now, having lost the Democratic party primary in the Pennsylvania senate race, Specter has announced he is changing parties once again, this time to the New Black Panther Party. “It appears [...]

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Obama administration offers BP CEO high-level position in exchange for ceding oil spill operations to James Cameron

Obama administration offers BP CEO high-level position in exchange for ceding oil spill operations to James Cameron

WASHINGTON – In another highly suspect political quid pro quo, the Obama administration has confirmed it is offering embattled BP CEO Tony Hayward a position on a “presidential or other Senior Executive Branch Advisory Board” in exchange for resigning from the company and turning control of the Gulf oil-spill recovery efforts to blockbuster Hollywood film [...]

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Obama nominates Lou Costello Elena Kagan to Supreme Court

Obama nominates <del>Lou Costello</del> Elena Kagan to Supreme Court

In a move signaling his continued dissatisfaction with the composition of the Supreme Court, President Obama has selected Elena Kagan as the nation’s first apparently asexual Supreme Court nominee as a replacement to retiring justice, John Paul Stevens. While many complain that the Supreme Court is far too white, or too Catholic, or too male, [...]

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Senate to hold hearings to examine irresponsible home owners

Senate to hold hearings to examine irresponsible home owners

WASHINGTON – Facing criticism in response to the empty political grandstanding that took place yesterday when members of the Senate Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations subjected Goldman Sachs executives to hours of obscenity-laced interrogation over toxic mortgage securities, the Senate has reluctantly agreed to hold hearings with select dumbass homeowners who “purchased” homes without the slightest [...]

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Obama proposes nationalization of polling organizations

Obama proposes nationalization of polling organizations

WASHINGTON – During a speech delivered Monday at a Democratic Party fundraiser, President Obama vowed to nationalize the political polling industry. Pollsters have consistently reported tanking job approval numbers since six months into the President’s administration and according to an undisclosed source, the President has privately been vexed over how to combat his rising unpopularity [...]

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Earthquake Strikes Yellowstone, Frightens Woodland Critters

Earthquake Strikes Yellowstone, Frightens Woodland Critters

Fully 1/8th of our elk herd got severely frightened. It was so bad that a Grey Wolf missed as he tried to urinate on a tree.”

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