“We regret having to take these onerous steps,” said Senate Leader Bristled Enlarger, D-Sacramento. “But we’ve already asked all we can of the people. For example, in these difficult times, the state will no longer provide cooking and cleaning services for those who can in fact cook and clean – at least not until we’re out of this awful recession.

“With the low-hanging fruit already plucked, it’s time for creative solutions like this.”

Members of Jackson’s family, including Jermaine, Latoya, and the Reverend Jesse Jackson, strongly oppose the plan, although legal experts say there is little they can do in light of recent cases citing the controversial eminent domain law.

“The state can seize your house if they want to build a freeway, they can bulldoze your business if they want to gentrify a neighborhood, and they can certainly expropriate your loved one’s corpse in the interest of the people’s well being, which in this case means lowering their budget deficit,” said Skeet Tousle, an attorney and eminent domain expert who has argued similar cases unsuccessfully before the Supreme Court.

“It’s really a shame in this case. Had they managed to bury him, I doubt the state would have been able to dig him up and proceed with the auction.”

Jackson’s corpse has been lying in state since his death a month ago as conflict among family members continues to rage around where it should be laid to rest.

During debate of the bill, controversy centered not around whether or not it was appropriate for the state to lay claim to the body of Jackson, but on the question of the state’s ability to command a meaningful price at auction.

“The consensus is that we can,” said Enlarger. “We have already seen a lot of interest expressed from several big players.”

Although Enlarger would not reveal specific bids, he said the state had received inquiries from the Smithsonian Institute, which would likely mummify the felled phenom, as well as Madame Tussauds, which says it would be saved the trouble of casting a wax mold of Mr. Jackson if it could have his actual preserved corpse instead.

MJ - worth more dead than alive?

Enlarger also said several wealthy individuals had expressed interest, including Larry King, Macaulay Culkin, Elizabeth Taylor and Paul McCartney.

Larry King in particular is reported to be eager to land the corpse, according to a source within his studio who asked not to be identified because he is not authorized to speak without Mr. King’s permission.

“Larry would love to have Michael’s corpse mounted in his studio and have it appear in frame during his broadcasts,” said the source. “It would remind him and his viewers that Larry is in fact alive.”

McCartney, according to record industry analysts, could easily finance the full target price of the corpse – $26 billion – simply by reacquiring the rights to the Beatles songs that Jackson has held since the 1980s and licensing “Happiness Is a Warm Gun” to pop tart Miley Cyrus’ Hannah Montana show.

“It really would be a sweet redemption for him,” said Horace Whorestaff, the CEO of Litigation Records. “Once, Michael owned the Beatles songs. Now, it will be the other way around, with Paul owning Michael, quite literally.”

In addition, the Korowai tribe of southeastern Papua are said to be attempting to organize a bid, although their resources are limited and it is unclear how viable Jackson’s month-old corpse would be to their presumed intent for it. The Korowai are still known to practice cannibalism.

Given all the interest, Enlarger said the state was also considering leasing the corpse instead of selling it outright, which “in effect would entail a renewable resource,” he said, possibly even qualifying the state for more bailout money under certain “green” provisions set out in federal assistance programs. Leasing the corpse would rule out cannibals, since it would have to be returned in the condition it was received, he added.

“But if someone steps up with a bid of $26 billion outright, which gets  us where we need to go, we will of course turn him [Jackson’s corpse]  over to that party in perpetuity,” he reiterated.

Barring any successful legal challenges, Jackon’s remains will be auctioned at an invitation-only event sometime next month.

Originally posted 2009-07-22 12:45:21. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

“We’ve not received a single report of any unpleasantries since June 25,” said Leaky Nil, a spokesperson for the State Department. “That is the same day the King of Pop shook off his earthly coils. Michael died for world peace.”

“Hope is born anew in the cradle of civilization, and I don’t think God – or even Michael – would have had it any other way,” agreed Secretary of State Hillary Clinton in a press release hailing the legacy of the embattled pop icon.

Robert Gibbs, the president’s press secretary, said President Obama was “visibly relieved” after watching CNN “like a hawk” for five consecutive days and detecting no mention of Iran.

“The president feels that after five days, it is appropriate to recognize what has resulted from the ultimate sacrifice made by Michael Jackson and the selfless actions of the Iranian combatants in laying down their arms with the realization that there are much bigger problems in the world than theocratic tyranny and the military annihilation of civilians – namely, the end of a pop icon and the question of what will happen with the rights to 236 Beatle songs that Michael held.”

Michael - a martyr for peace

Gibbs added that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the president of the Islamic Republic of Iran, had been formally invited to the White House for tea and talks over the future of the Middle East. Ahmadinejad, said Gibbs, would be offered the complete works of Michael Jackson, preloaded on an iPod, upon his arrival.

“Few things hold the healing power of Michael Jackson’s music. Michael’s death ended the strife of a divided nation. His music, which lives on, will bring peace to a divided world.”

Asked if Iran’s controversial nuclear program was still a sine qua non to establishing normalized relations with Iran, Gibbs brushed the matter aside. “We’re still trying to grieve the loss of possibly the greatest man – person – of the millennium. Now is not the time to split hairs.”

Gibbs also dismissed questions about whether or not the unrest in Iran had truly been resolved, visibly annoyed with persistent whispers that firebrand mullah Ayatollah Ali Khamenei was still crushing wrong-thinking civilians in the streets.

“Turn on CNN. Turn on MSNBC. Hell, turn on even FOX News. The unrest in Iran literally ended the moment Michael’s death became known to the world. The Iranians had the wisdom to let Michael’s death awaken them to what really matters, and so should we.”

Originally posted 2009-06-30 18:56:43. Republished by Blog Post Promoter