Earlier in the week, Cameron was invited to the headquarters of the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency in Washington to “brainstorm” ways of plugging the oil leak. After his offer of involvement was declined by BP despite the meeting, he angrily denounced “those morons” who “don’t know what they’re doing,” adding that he knows “really, really, really smart people that work typically at depths much greater than what that well is at.”

“Hello? Has anyone thought of using a little boy with a strong finger?” Cameron continued. “If it’s good enough for the Dutch, it’s good enough for America. This is a global community! This is just a back-of-the-napkin idea I thought of in the sauna this morning. I’ve got lots more for those willing to listen.”

“What about Aquaman? I hear he’s looking for work. He kind of got left behind in Hollywood by the Bat- and Supermen movies. There are dozens of possibilities.”

“James brings a level of expertise and insight that is unparalleled among the so-called experts who have been mismanaging this mess,” said White House Spokesman Robert Gibbs during remarks confirming the offers to Hayward and Cameron. “We propose a fresh start – the start that can only be led by a Hollywood visionary. When practice fails, it’s time to turn to theory.”

When asked how a Hollywood film director could offer better solutions to an engineering problem than engineers themselves, Gibbs replied with a question of his own: “Did you see the Abyss?”

Director Cameron to take the reigns at BP?

Gibbs refused to disclose all positions the administration is considering awarding Cameron, although he confirmed that the Ambassadorship to Iraq was a leading possibility, calling it “a natural fit.”

The timing is a bit awkward for the administration, as it is currently embroiled in the Joe Sestak scandal, in which the White House allegedly attempted to ply the congressman with prestigious job offers in exchange for his dropping out of the senate primary race against political pet Arlen Specter. Sestak refused and the Democrat novitiate suffered an embarrassing defeat.

Hayward was not made available for interviews, but a company spokesman said he is “considering the offer and, as always, will keep the interests of BP, the United Kingdom and the United States, in that order, as our top priorities.”