TAMPA, Fla. – For the past 20 years or so, the Super Bowl has been known for a mystifying phenomenon: the giddy embrace of TV ads by consumers. Instead of using a TiVo-like device to skip past commercials during the big game, consumers are known for actually rewinding them for repeated enjoyment.

Now, NBC and the NFL are seeking to further capitalize on the bizarre behavior by making all ads during tomorrow’s Super Bowl XLIII available only on a pay-per-view basis.

Sobered Lick, who is chairman of NBC Universal Sports & Olympics, said, “We’ve observed over the past several years a striking phenomenon among consumers. Many – perhaps as many as 40% – aren’t even aware of what teams are playing or even the basic rules of football. They are, in fact, tuning in for the commercials, not the main attraction.”

Under the new scheme, commercial timeouts will begin with a blue screen with text advising consumers of the new policy. Consumers will have a choice of purchasing commercials a la carte, or bundled by quarter, half or game. A sliding-scale discount will apply, with a cost of $199 for the full game, $105 for a half and $55 for a quarter. Commercials purchased a la carte will cost $19.99 each.

It will cost viewers at least $19.99 to view this absurdity during tomorrow's Super Bowl.

Most cable and satellite customers will be able to confirm the purchase of their commercials with the click of a remote. “Folks need not fear this will require a timeout in their junk-food orgies – we know this is an important tradition as well. In most cases, all it will take is a few quick authorizations on their provider menus,” said Lick.

In cases where consumers are unable to complete the transaction via their home entertainment systems, they will have to call an 800 number that will also appear on the screen. “Folks should have their credit cards ready so as not to miss any of the commercial,” reminded Lick.

Jag Homer Zen, chief insights officer [ed. note – at press time, we were unable to determine the meaning of this title] at R&Y, a tax-sheltered advertising spin-off of behemoth corporate parent WHIP Group, called the decision “amazing … a brilliant exploitation of staggeringly beneficial consumer stupidity.”

“The consumer stuffing his face, inviting his friends over for hors d’oeuvres, planning viewing parties – all for the commercials, not for the game – it’s a bit like lambs running toward the knives instead of away from them, and it’s positively grand for marketers.”

When asked if the revenue from the pay-per-view proceeds would permit a discount of the $3 million-per-30-second going rate to be offered to clients such as Budweiser, Go Daddy and other Super Bowl mainstays, Lick was quick to offer an unequivocal no.

“In fact, we will likely increase ad rates next year, to help pay for the cost of incorporating the live pay-per-view technology into our broadcast. In any case, 90% of the new revenue has been promised to the Players’ Union.”

Originally posted 2009-01-31 15:43:10. Republished by Blog Post Promoter