ATLANTA – One of the more startling effects of Great Depression v2.0 is a marked rise in female bank robbers. In 2002, 4.9 percent of all bank robberies in the U.S. involved male perps. Today, the fairer sex claims a 6.2 percent share of all such offenses.

But advocates for female bank robbers say that despite increasing numbers of women entering the bank robbing workforce, compensation continues to lag that of men.

“The plunder surrendered by banks during female-led heists is, on average, 25% less than that enjoyed by male robbers,” said forensic feminist Biennia Lowermost. “This is more egregious than the wage gap that plagues women in the conventional workforce, and it’s high time this injustice is met with the same outrage by society.”

Lowermost was referring to a new study commissioned by the Committee for Redistributing Assailant Plunder (CRAP).

“The study confirms a disturbing trend,” said CRAP President Roaming Elites. “Not only do female assailants have to contend with physical disadvantages owing to their often-petite statures, far too often they are undercompensated for tasks at which they must work twice as hard as men to complete.

“What’s more, female bandits are often moved to commit acts of thievery only by their wholesome, undeniable instinct to nurture. For example, they may need money to buy diapers for the baby. Or, maybe they need to purchase some expensive, all-leather mud flaps in a desperate bid to prolong the attention of their breadwinner.”

The CRAP study comes at a time when female bank robbers are gaining increased media exposure, thanks to a recent caper by the so-called “Barbie Bandits,” a duo of strippers-turned-bank robbers who orchestrated a famously bungled robbery of a Bank of America branch in Atlanta that netted them only a few thousand dollars each and arrests two days later.

Peroxide perps, or victimized vixens?

“I know in my heart of hearts that that teller would have given them more money if they were men,” insisted Elites. Elites would not comment on the tarts’ decision to indulge themselves with highlights at one of Atlanta’s priciest hair salons immediately following the robbery, other than to say “Sometimes, nurturing involves oneself.”

“Women are more attracted to bank robberies for a number of reasons,” said Sorry Noisemaker, a forensic sociologist. “Banks are just so customer-friendly. They’re open on Sundays inside grocery stores and they’re convenient to rob.

“Women also excel at non-verbal communication,” she added. “That’s an important skill in bank robbing – passing notes and such.”

Originally posted 2009-02-22 11:42:00. Republished by Blog Post Promoter