Specter's recently updated U.S. Senate photo

In the course of his long political career, Sen. Arlen Specter has been a Democrat, then a Republican, and most recently, a Democrat again. Now, having lost the Democratic party primary in the Pennsylvania senate race, Specter has announced he is changing parties once again, this time to the New Black Panther Party.

“It appears that the white race has deserted me,” said Specter, who appeared in black-face yesterday in front of the New Black Panther Party headquarters in Dallas, Texas. “But the good news is, I have found a new home where I truly belong. And it is here with my bruthas,” said Specter, who then assumed the classic rap pose of folded arms, pouting lips, and a down-the-nose glare at the assembled press.

Malik Zulu Shabazz, Chairman of the NBPP, was also in attendance. “We welcome our newest member to the righteous cause of freeing our enslaved black people from the bonds of tyranny,” said Shabazz while introducing the newly browned Specter. “He understands the plight of the disinfranchised opportunist, and to that we can relate. Plus, he’s got a lot of campaign cash left over.”

Specter appeared at the conference flanked on each side of the podium by NBPP commandos dressed in the iconic NBPP attire of black beret, sunglasses, camouflaged pants, and malignant expressions. “For far too long I, and my black bruthas, have endured the chains of oppression, aggression, and repression foisted upon us by the greedy white man,” said Specter, while Shabazz nodded approvingly at the well-delivered afro-centric consonance. “And for far too long I have been forced to choose between either getting elected, or instead courageously adhering to a coherent and steady moral philosophy even in spite of negative polling data,” he said.  “But in the New Black Panther Party I have found a place where the notions of rational argument and defensible philosophy are shunned in favor of reflexive over-emotional rhetoric and whatever-it-takes power-grabbing. I fit right in.”

One reporter asked Shabazz during a Q&A why NBPP was endorsing a white man, but immediately received a pistol whip to the back of the head from one of the NBPP henchman for his trouble. “What are you talking about, cracker? Can’t you see he’s a black man?” No further questions were asked by attending press members.

However, it appears that not all black leaders are pleased with Specter’s switch. “It’s disgraceful, he’s nothing but an Uncle Tom,” said black activist and former presidential candidate, Al Sharpton, yesterday. “He may be black, but he ain’t on the side of the black man. In fact, he’s miscegenatin’ with a white woman! And I think it’s Sarah Palin!” In a possibly related occurrence, Sharpton later that night was admitted to New York Presbyterian Hospital after being pistol-whipped in the head. Police have not identified any suspects, but believe the injury was inflicted by a NBPP henchman, or possibly Sarah Palin.

Specter’s immediate political plans are murky, but he hinted that a presidential run is not out of the question. “This country needs a black president. And it’s high time it got one,” he said. “And don’t talk to me about what’s-his-name. He don’t count. Can’t grow up in Hawaii and Indonesia and call ya self a black man. Gotta know the ‘hood. Like me, ’cause I fought for my bread in the mean streets of Wichita. I wasn’t pickin’ pineapples on some beach.”

Whether Specter’s new allegiance pans out, only time will tell. But at least one person thinks the politician has finally jumped the shark. “It’s crazy, whoring yourself out to any group that will have you just to advance your career, no matter the extent to which it compromises your integrity, or hurts your family,” said famous reality mom, Kate Gosslin. “It’s disgusting.”

UPDATE!

Early this morning, an NBPP spokesman disclosed that the organization has learned that Specter is Jewish. Coincidentally, Specter has been missing since mid-morning when he departed in his car for a NBPP fundraiser, at which he reportedly never arrived. Specter’s family states that at around 10:00 a.m. he left in his car, a newly-purchased 1974 Cadillac Seville with 4-inch white walls and a vanity plate that reads “FITE Y-T”. Authorities have asked anyone with information on Specter’s whereabouts to contact their local police.

Developing . . .

Originally posted 2010-06-04 10:07:13. Republished by Blog Post Promoter