PITTSBURGH – When the Group of Twenty (G-20) met earlier this year in London, the gathering of Finance Ministers and Central Bank Governors of the world’s top 20 industrialized countries signed off on urgent action to temper the ravaging effects Great Depression 2.0 was having on the developing world.
Although the crux of the plan is clearly the G-20’s commitment to release an additional $850 billion in support of emerging markets and developing countries, the organization sought an additional, symbolic way to underscore its commitment to the Third World.
A range of ideas was discussed, from inviting increased, non-voting participation from Third World tyrants to hosting a “Live Aid” style series of rock concerts throughout the 20 countries.
But ultimately, the organization settled on a move they think will have even more symbolic impact: staging the summit for the first time ever in the Third World – in this case, Pittsburgh.
“We wanted to emphatically, empathically and unequivocally signal our solidarity with the struggling people of the Third World,” said Simon Guiltprowess, a spokesman for the Central Bank of England and de facto spokesman for the G-20. “Clearly, by hosting the conference in the very bowels of the Third World, the G-20 is putting its money where its mouth is.”
Summit participants are warned to stay away from neighborhoods like this one in the troubled Heinz Field district.
Guiltprowess said the organization had to plan for a host of challenges it does not face in advance of summits held in a routine locations like Geneva, Paris, London or Berlin, citing such efforts as “proof positive” of its commitment to the Third World.
Aside from security concerns, the G-20’s advance planners had to secure potable water, indoor plumbing and electricity, he said.
“Our logistics team did a great job,” said Guiltprowess. “They made arrangements with the host hotel to temporarily upgrade its water, plumbing and power capabilities. In addition, they reached out to the local regime in Pittsburgh to construct a temporary landing strip that will allow any of our members who might encounter health problems to be medevaced back to the developed world – to Philadelphia, for example.”
“Many of our members are old and frail,” he added. “It’s important that they have access to modern health care at all times, or at least to be within a short flight of it.”
For its part, Guiltprowess said the G-20 required attendees of the summit to undergo a vigorous cultural crash course that will allow them to more sensitively interact with locals.
“We found a great cultural sensitivity consulting group that really put our guys through the ringer,” he said. “For example, we learned that we shouldn’t be offended if the locals expose themselves or even relieve themselves in public – this is a common way to express deference or even fear in Pittsburgh, and the visitor should respond by keeping their hands visible, avoiding prolonged eye contact and speaking in soft, soothing, monosyllabic words or grunts.”
Although G-20 delegates are free and even encouraged to explore the general Pittsburgh milieu, one area is “absolutely” off limits, according to Guiltprowess: Heinz Field. An excerpt from a special travel advisory issued by the G-20 Pittsburgh explains why:
“Sports, in particularly American Football, is one of the rare perceived success stories in this forgotten corner of civilization. Residents of Pittsburgh quickly become agitated at the slightest real or imagined threat to the perceived position of hegemony ascribed to the local representative of American Football.
“Crime, typically staged by clans of street children or armed thugs, represents the most severe threat to foreign visitors to the Heinz Field district. Offenses typically include muggings, robberies, sexual assault and carjackings. Vehicles should be locked at all times, especially when stalled in heavy traffic, because of the risk of carjacking. The G-20 has received reports of armed criminals bushwhacking vehicles, especially on egress routes from the district. Because of a chronic lack of resources, local law enforcement are frequently incapable of rendering assistance during emergencies and in any case often side with the aggressors.
“In-country G-20 representatives should take precautions for their well-being. This includes keeping a high level of situational awareness, keeping a distance from crowds and generally maintaining a low profile. Do not fall into observable patterns and take care that all travel documents are current as a quick exit from Pittsburgh may be necessary with little notice. Few countries have formal diplomatic missions with Pittsburgh, and visitors should register with their home government to leave a clear record of their travel to Pittsburgh in the event of a crisis. Most importantly, take great care to avoid piercing the illusion that the local NFL football team is anything less than the most important aspect of existence. Doing otherwise can quickly lead to rapidly escalating violence that will only increase, not subside, in the face of reason.
The Pittsburgh G-20 summit begins Sept. 24 and ends Sept. 25.
Originally posted 2009-08-18 20:27:05. Republished by Blog Post Promoter
The photo is photoshopped, and with Pittsburgh having done a 180 the last 15 years and emerged as Triple-AAA and Places Rated “Most Liveable City” in 2008, even the satire is about 25 years too dated.
Likely written by a guy who hasn’t been to Pittsburgh in 2 decades if ever, who wrote the article from a city less clean, scenic, and vibrant than the one he teases.
Try again.
I find it amusing that B.O.’s outrage at the article extends only far enough to include defense of Pittsburgh’s scenery and cleanliness, yet completely disregards the fact that the majority of insult is directed at Pittsburgh’s inhabitants.
Well-played.
But, props for detecting that the picture is a product of Photoshop. It takes a very keen eye – that pic has fooled millions and millions of people.
Pheme,
Pittsburgh should be ashamed of its inhabitants? lol…
What part should they be ashamed of? That they were voted one of America’s Top-10 Most Educated Cities by Geographic Explorer in 2008? Or I guess you meant they should be ashamed that they are rabidly intense fans of the most successful football team in the history of the Superbowl Era? Or that Pittsburgh gave us Andy Warhol, Philip Pearlstein, and Mary Casat on the artistic landscape, Jonas Salk, George Westinghouse and Rachel Carson on the pioneer front, Jimmy Stewart and Gene Kelly on the big screen, and Andrew Carnegie, Andrew Mellon and H.J. Heinz on the economic front. Are those the lowly peasants of American history you speak of? lol….
…no…of course not….what you mean, based on your 7th grade sarcasm regarding the photo, is that Pittsburghers don’t have that- oh i don’t know- bloated self-righteousness and biting snobbishness that defines the culture of many west coast and eastern seaboard cities. And…well….without such nauseating psuedo-elitism, you find it remarkably hard to relate to them.
Dear friend…take your low IQ to a library and learn American history. Pittsburgh, LITERALLY BUILT YOUR CITY…whatever city you live in, was literally, structurally composed by the hands of 20th century Pittsburghers and the steel, aluminum and alloys that formed the backbone of every American city. And when the industry dried up? Instead of accepting a slow rusty decline into oblivion as many of its geographic neighbors have, Pittsburgh reinvented itself as a home to medicine, robotics, education and green technology.
The embarassment doesn’t lie with Pittsburghers, my friend. The embarassment lies with you and this author, for being ignorant of the last 25 years of the city’s history, indispensable American legends who’ve called it home, and your snide personality that feels out of place when encountering the citizens of a city who never adopted that vice.
You might want to move onto easier prey sweetie. You’re a little out of your league debating me on geography and history
Hey, I know how to use Google, too! Small world!
Did Pittsburgh invent the ellipsis?
lol
lol
lololol
lol lol
lol
First, thanks for the terms of endearment. I ascended swiftly from “friend” to “sweetie,” and for that I am grateful.
I wasn’t aware this was a geography debate, but we can play, it’ll be fun! I’ll start:
Gallia est omnis divisa in partes tres!
Your turn, sweetie!
Nothing is more adorable than 2 hipsters who unknowingly ran into a debate with someone more intelligent than them.
You two sheltered lightweights are precious to watch when rattled. You are harmless little lapdogs. I want to pet you as such lol.
You’d never survive in a city like Pittsburgh, kids. Too many people from such places have a nose for douchery. I’d reccomend sharing interchangeably cliche satire blogs while a grad-student with no-prescription Lennon glasses serves you coffee with a name you find impressively exotic. lol.
You ARE SO EASY to place in this world.
LOL, OMG, et al., but what is a hipster? Please to define. Perhaps it means pseudo-intellectual, which kind of evokes your comment.
Also, when served coffee, I prefer it be ladled out by an undergrad co-ed wearing prescription Kawasaki glasses and nothing else. If that still conforms with your faux elitist rant, would you mind making that substitution in your mind? I think we’ll both feel better. You can pretend I’d never survive in Pittsburgh and feel correspondingly better about your own relative success with natural selection; meanwhile, I’ll enjoy my coffee.
Many thanks.
Ouch, “anonymous” just got schooled in a painful way by Sisyphus. It happens, don’t let it get you down.
Anonymous – to further bolster your battle against those less intelligent than you, this gift: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/recommend Read. Learn. Retain. Spell.
Also, bear in mind that these “sheltered lightweights” are the ones approving your comments. Keep ‘em coming!
Oh Sisyphus and Pheme…
I wouldn’t let your erections-of-importance become much firmer than they already are, considering I am the lone individual that even deemed this pathetically unfunny satire worthy of response.
If this satire was a television station, based on the complete lack of comments, it must be on channel 897 at 3:30am on Tuesday mornings, right between “World Of Potatoes” and color pixels with the incessant drone noise.
If internet clout and respect is measured by audience, you thusly rank below most people’s personal facebook pages.
And I know you wonder why: why is it, that your careers didn’t work out for you? And you find yourselves on some lonely, unknown, unread ezine, writing satires to amuse each other like to 7th grade boys passing notes about a fat teacher in the back of the class. I don’t know man…I’d assume the catalyst was your lack of intelligence rendering you incapable of doing thing well, combined with an inability to do anything else, at all.
How does a gig writing sophomoric satire on an obscure ezine to an audience of 3 (1 of which is here for the mere sadistic pleasure of teasing your mediocrity) pay in salary?
I wonder if it pays more, or less, than the PhD educated doctors, chemists, environmental engineers, and professors that make up the new Pittsburgh economy?
Actually…let’s lower our expectations for you two lovebirds…does it even pay better than than the blue-collar union labor positions of Pittsburgh’s yesteryear?
I’d assume so…after all…teasing the inhabitants of a city who actually make twice what you do, would be a mightily contradictory premise…and that’s even forgiving the indisputably silly premise of teasing the present-day Pittsburgh workforce, comprised of people with degrees in fields you lack the basic genetically-given intelligence to ascertain.
And hence, you find yourselves compelled instead, to reply over and over to me again, as I psychologically lead you on your dog-collars wherever I want you to go, owning your already-monsterous downtime from productive lives, with comments that render you so dazed that you have no choice but to make fools of yourselves by typing to me over and over and over again on command like Pavlov’s dogs….the flattery I must tell you is unspoken.
….please don’t go to Pittsburgh….if you can’t get a mildly aggressive man such as myself out of your heads, god help you when your painfully 2nd rate satire sees the light of day in a Pittsburgh bar.
Mommy put too many fingerpaintings on your refridgerators as boys. That’s my only explanation for how such mental and comedic benchwarmers could have managed to deny their reality to themselves this long
I think BO deserves a gold star on his very own frigidator for using the words “thusly” and “yesteryear” in the very same post!
Mr. President, I’ve got to admit, it’s worse even than your criticism. The latest Nielsen ratings put us between reruns of Heidi and Saved by the Bell. The truth hurts (as is evidenced by your frenetic, rousing defense of the ‘burgh), but we’re straight shooters here and I wanted to fully disclose our ratings issues, as your groundbreaking, late-breaking investigative citizen journalism uncovered in any case.
Also, glad to see this has swung from a geography challenge to an income challenge. Good stuff.
Finally, I have to confess to being truly relieved that, all along, my keystrokes have simply been the result of conditioned reflexes in your thrall. You see, I don’t even like Kawasaki glasses because they were made famous by Sara Palin, and I couldn’t figure out why I typed that, and now I know! You control my thoughts!
But … then … why did you have me post this terrible insult to the ‘burgh?
Confused.
XXX/OOO
See you in a ‘burgh bar sometime?
BO,
I, being the selfless gentleman that I am, have taken it upon myself to assist in your struggle to comprehend your own ignorance by pointing out to you a few errors in your lengthy responses to a particular posting on this trite and insignificant website (not “e-zine” as you refer to it in “hipster” vernacular):
1. As referenced above, wineandexcrement.com is, in fact, what is known as a website or web site and not an “e-zine” – a term I believe rivals the quarter-decade age of pre-Renaissance Pittsburgh you allude to in your astoundingly impressive 6th grade-level posits of disagreement.
2. Judging by the length of your rambling dictionary train wrecks in proportion to the other responses, it appears that it is THEE who art lead by the leash versus Pheme and/or Sisyphus.
3. After hours of painstaking research, much of it involving dangerous clandestine activity and a crash course in advanced theoretical mathematics, I have come to the irrefutable conclusion that the authors of this web site are not only NOT provided a salary for their efforts, they are actually spending their own money (most likely earned by years of toil ‘n tear in cancerous factories comparable to those located in a borough named after Sir William Pitt). (You’re welcome for the small historical lesson.) Thus, those hard working cowpokes you so fawningly list – PhD educated doctors, chemists, environmental engineers, and professors – make negative salaries going by your nearly incomprehensible mathematical calculations 2 x (-$x) = -$x.
4. This one’s going to be hard….but sources have clearly ruled out any remote possibility that your level of intelligence matches, let alone exceeds the aforementioned authors. (I debated for hours with myself on including this one, but determined that, in the long run, you’d be better off facing inconvenient truths about yourself.)
I’m sure I missed a few things, but was hoping these trifling insights from such an unworthy rube as myself might assist you on your journey of self-discovery.
Thank you for your time.
Regards,
Momos
Dear Anonymous,
I think I may be able to help you. See my missive to BO.
Cheers!
Momos
Goldamnit, I knowed we should of taken out Palmer’s other knee.This had to be written by some daggone bungles fan. Nobody insults the ‘burgh like this – nobody!
Momos,
While it is difficult to determine if you are indeed the dual-headed Sisyphus/Pheme Monster Of Undereducation trolling as a third personality to agree with yourself, or, merely the third wheel in a parading menage a trois of antiquaited reality, the result is the same; profound and appreciated unintentional humor dispensed to all those
in society whose worldliness exceeds the turtleneck-only corner of their local Starbucks. I truly am embarassed on your behalf, and much like defending Corky’s efforts at a chess table, I will defend you from attack as a philanthropic display of sympathy in respect for the admirable efforts you give with the lilliputian mental toolset nature bequeathed to you.
Firstly…since gradschool students in a functionless major that beholdens them to the safety-island of academia can rarely afford cars, let me present you and your brethren with the reality of what 2009 Pittsburgh looks like…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJgnq9uJGn0
In the face of a window, if you wish to continue your insistence that the sky is green rather than blue, you are welcome to…for at this point, it isn’t a matter of who is right or wrong any longer, rather only a matter of how much deeper you wish to dig your hole.
And on that point, I would request you dig it as deeply as possible. It is rather turn-your-face-and-murmur-embarassing that you overlooked how easy technology allows someone to educate another on the visual reality of a city, and I am hoping you you continue to drop the soap in the shower as sexily as you did regarding this oversight.
I would assume your anger towards Pittsburgh must come from one of our countless pillagings of your favorite football team. I assume you to be a sports fan, and in fact an athelete, because with such an underdeveloped wit and intellect, one must assume you sacrificed such maturations while pursuing passions involving the body over the mind…and given both your time to enumerate your devotion to be in a Pavlovian manner coupled with the girlishness of that manner itself, one can safely assume the bodily passion doesn’t involve getting laid much.
Well, I’d love to chat more pumpkin…but I have an actual social event to attend. Yet the night is young for you here at your computer…so do what we all know your quietly humiliated soul commands you to do; come on now dear…you know what it’s time for…get the coffee…disconnect your phone that never rings anyway…and prepare for a LONNNNNNNG, LONNNNNNG, LONNNNG night, of sitting at your computer, like a good little boy, and typing all about me. All about me. Make it long, poorly crafted, and emotionally benign. I want to see your signature style in every word of this forthcoming involuntary novella of yours, in your painful attempts to win a war you never had a remote prayer of sniffing victory in.
Waiting in that communal shower for you, Alice…
Dude, BO – your trying to hard. What are you, a PR guy for Pittsburgh? I think it’s kind of weird, but whatever, I have town pride too. And I’m no expert in debating but wouldn’t it be better if your responses actually made sense, like your just shooting off at the mouth and not really making a lot of sense, like your trying too hard to sound smart which ends up making you sound stupid. my mom always said bigger words dont make a bigger man – just sayin
I live in pittsburgh, too (and yea Pitt-Stain’s the handle I use wherever i post) but whoever wrote this article is kind of owning you bo.
Dude, make up your mind – are we grad students flipping burgers or are we athletes? I suppose the two aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive, but it would seem an odd combo.
And I see now we’re on to chess metaphors and not getting laid (kind of ironic that a guy who is accusing someone of not getting laid starts firing off chess metaphors). First, we didn’t know as much geography as you. Then, we didn’t make as much money as you (and everyone else in the ‘burgh). And now – perhaps the coup de grâce, we don’t get laid – all while possibly being underpaid grad students/athletes. This is a fascinatingly deep fantasy you’re crafting.
No matter, as we’re all simply pawns, typing away “involuntary” missives in kneejerk response to your misspelled mastery of debate. “You can’t go against BO, ’cause even when you do … that’s part of BO, too.”
Sissyfist,
Out of mere boredom, for god sakes challenge me. Not that doing painfully derivative Keith Olbermann impressions or trying the time-honored tradition of victory-via-Spellcheck aren’t wonderfully innocent to read…but as a matter of pragmatism if you actually have any compelling evidence that 2009 Pittsburgh resembles the smoldering din of hell and homeless that you claim, then merely evidence for your claim. You know…simple, common stats…like it’s higher than average unemployment rate, or it’s higher than average poverty rate, or it’s higher than average homeless rate (if, hypothetically speaking, all three weren’t well below the national average which they are).
Just facts, hun. You’ve been handed your ass with mayo on top about 5 straight times now in actual verbal combat…as you run away with your tail between your legs, at least yelp out a few remotely compelling statistics that give creedence to your terminally ill argument.
Consider it sort of a Make A Wish program for the defeated
Now now Pheme…don’t start picking on your readers, or your website’s audience- which can currently fit in a closet- will soon be able to fit in a crawlspace.
Look, there’s no reason to get your panties in a wad about your baseless satire. Just educate yourself more before you and your boyfriend write articles, and then maybe after years and years of hard work, you might be hired for an internship or a janitorial position at The Onion, or one of the other infinitely-more-successful satire sites you do a sloppily unfunny job of parroting
Pitt-Stain,
Based on your IP address, “whoever wrote this article” inhabits the same computer as yourself…
….oh Sisyphus and Pheme…will your ever-deepening grave of defeat just CONTINUE to get more pitiful to view? Watching you two attempt to launch a satire site from over at The Onion must be George Lopez watching Carlos Mancia do stand-up; all the best on your two impending insurance-sales careers
Body Odor (I thought you were the president, but now you switched to lower case so I’m going to go with body odor):
GREAT point about satire knock-offs! Truth be told, this entire site is simply a solidarity protest for the audacity that Jonathan Swift had in taking liberties to engage in satire when clearly that arena is the sole terrain of the onion.
Actually, body odor, I think your butterfingered attempt at defending the ‘burgh goes a lot further than any further barbs aimed (real or imagined) at the city would, and it’s certainly much more enjoyable to observe unfold (sort of like a picture being proverbially worth 1,000 words).
However, you DO get credit for temporarily suspending your amusing but ineffective ad hominem attacks and attempting an ordered retreat to actual facts. Sadly, it’s a bit too late for that.
If you’ll grant a brief quarter – riddle me this – was/is Keith Olberman known for correcting spelling? I didn’t know that, and I thank you for imparting knowledge. I just don’t have enough time to watch the silver-haired fox. I’m too busy living in my parents’ basement, running an “E-Zine,” not getting laid and typing characters at your direction.
Lead on, master!
By “inhabit” do you mean someone’s living in my computer??? i guess we’ll hold the mayo on that bit of verbal combat.
What’s my IP address?
Indeed Sisyphus…
…and it would appear save for myself, that THIS arena is the sole terrain of you and Pheme lol.
…and a lonely, unappreciated wind blows
“However, you DO get credit for…attempting an ordered retreat to actual facts. Sadly, it’s a bit too late for that.”
How painful to watch. This is like the Man Behind The Wall in the Wizard Of Oz…you mean after taking an intellectual piss on your head for 3 days now, you’re going to compound it by conceding that you are void of any compelling contemporary basis for the satire to begin with?
Isn’t satire’s effectiveness that it’s based on an underlying, less exaggerated truth?
Oh christ guys…this whole episode has ended with you licking the merangue off your faces.
I would seriously reccomend hiring me as a writer for your blog.
…not merely for the laughably obvious fact that i outdistance your intelligence but perhaps the more overlooked fact that i appear to be your only audience lol.
“I would seriously reccomend hiring me as a writer for your blog.”
Say word? What’s your asking rate?
I’m thinking Bo – maybe also one or more other commentators here – may be Dennis Miller (he’s a boy from The ‘Burgh).
Kentucky Girl says:
August 21, 2009 at 09:30 (Edit)
“I’m thinking Bo – maybe also one or more other commentators here – may be Dennis Miller (he’s a boy from The ‘Burgh). ”
I think you’re overestimating Bo’s intellectual horsepower just a bit. If Miller is the intellectual analog of a V8, Bo probably has a 300 cc Honda cycle engine purring under his hood.
It’s just my opinion. I could be wrong.
By the way: I liked the photo of my house that you posted right beside Heinz Field. I’d love to have THAT location with its river view, instead of the view we have of the neighbor’s house…whatta dump!
Wow Sisyphus, that was just sort of an awkward death throe in your slow public assraping…
“Dirrrrpdrrrr well if dennis miller is real smart than Bo isn’t cuz see like if Miller is a real nice engine then bo is a smaller engine not as nice pdrrpdrrr” lol….wow….ya ever see boxers when they’re bludgeoned on the canvass confusingly swinging at nothing there?
awww lol.
My asking price for writing for your blog? Let’s not be silly…trust-fund money excluded you have no money to give me. Your audience consists of you, your boyfriend, me, an alternative personality of yourself, and now apparently some poor girl that wandered in from Kentucky that just wanted to politely add another exception to your thoroughly deteriorating Pittsburgh rule…not to then have to have you use her post as a springboard for your canvass punches.
Sisyphus…you did all you could. That’s what I’d tell your brain cells in the locker room…they went out there, used everything they had in their arsenal, came up a little short, but at least now have a better sense of the caliber of league they’ll flourish in.
This doesn’t HAVE to be as explicitly embarassing as it is for you.
Use this as a life-lesson, and turn it into a positive for your future.
Bo likes asses – we learn something new every day (I assume the intimation was that if I have been “assraped” then it was you doing the plundering – please to correct me if I’m wrong).
Also, Bo likes chess analogies, but bo no like car analogies. But Bo do like boxing analogies.
This is also like the third (fourth? I don’t fee like poring through effluvium of text you sprayed over the past several days) reference to your deeply held hope that there is a sizable income gap between us. It’s clear you have stubbornly entrenched insecurities about your socio-economic standing, since you have no idea what I make, yet feel a need to remind the audience (all four of them) of the glaring gap.
So here’ s some advice. Take all that pent-up, misdirected energy and sublimate it. Today’s a Friday, so the timing is perfect! Go to your boss and ask him (or her), flat out, for a raise. You clearly feel you’re underpaid, and have probably felt so for some time. You’ve managed to get some practice in airing some long-held feelings right here on this blog. Sure, your arguments went over like a salmon trying to go upstream in a waterfall at absolute zero, but doggone it, you sure tried.
Now, take that energy, march in the big man’s (or woman’s) office, and bear it all (your feelings, not your physique). Tell your boss to take the weekend to think about it, and I just bet you get a favorable reply on Monday!
We’re all pulling for you!
Then, after your big raise, you won’t have to ask as much to write here!
This was a fun read: http://www.cityrating.com/citycrime.asp?city=Pittsburgh&state=PA
So was this: http://www.chronicle.pitt.edu/?p=1044 which offered this gem of a quote: “About 16 billion gallons of raw sewage reach Pittsburgh rivers each year…”
I’m guessing BO’s responsible for somewhere around 12 billion of those gallons.
It seems BO, you hath not seen this, so I shall re-post it for your benefit (I’m on your side, buddy!):
BO,
I, being the selfless gentleman that I am, have taken it upon myself to assist in your struggle to comprehend your own ignorance by pointing out to you a few errors in your lengthy responses to a particular posting on this trite and insignificant website (not “e-zine” as you refer to it in “hipster” vernacular):
1. As referenced above, wineandexcrement.com is, in fact, what is known as a website or web site and not an “e-zine” – a term I believe rivals the quarter-decade age of pre-Renaissance Pittsburgh you allude to in your astoundingly impressive 6th grade-level posits of disagreement.
2. Judging by the length of your rambling dictionary train wrecks in proportion to the other responses, it appears that it is THEE who art lead by the leash versus Pheme and/or Sisyphus.
3. After hours of painstaking research, much of it involving dangerous clandestine activity and a crash course in advanced theoretical mathematics, I have come to the irrefutable conclusion that the authors of this web site are not only NOT provided a salary for their efforts, they are actually spending their own money (most likely earned by years of toil ‘n tear in cancerous factories comparable to those located in a borough named after Sir William Pitt). (You’re welcome for the small historical lesson.) Thus, those hard working cowpokes you so fawningly list – PhD educated doctors, chemists, environmental engineers, and professors – make negative salaries going by your nearly incomprehensible mathematical calculations 2 x (-$x) = -$x.
4. This one’s going to be hard….but sources have clearly ruled out any remote possibility that your level of intelligence matches, let alone exceeds the aforementioned authors. (I debated for hours with myself on including this one, but determined that, in the long run, you’d be better off facing inconvenient truths about yourself.)
I’m sure I missed a few things, but was hoping these trifling insights from such an unworthy rube as myself might assist you on your journey of self-discovery.
Thank you for your time.
Regards,
Momos
P.S. Still rooting for you, mate.
BO,
Thanks for sharing the “evidence” (public relations video propaganda) you present in response to an argument I am not party to. I do not recall commenting on any aspect Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania other than referencing your amusingly worship-toned screeds about said municipality in my above gesture of kindness.
However, you’ll want to note that said material is shot as aerial flybys, with several odd segments that include what seems to be rural areas of Pittsburgh and, conveniently, nighttime flyovers as well. Strangely, no street level evidence of Pittsburgh as a burgeoning wellspring of cultural fortitude is present.
Keep at it. You’ll get there someday. I believe in you.
Still rooting for ya!
Hugs and kisses,
Momos
Momos,
Dear friend I saw it already…there is an IQ-minimum you did not meet that even Sisyphus and Pheme met in order to warrant my responses.
BO,
Sorry my IQ wasn’t low enough for you. I’ll try harder, though, next time. You’re such an inspiration. Even more than Oprah. Or Jesus.
Momos
Wow, look at all the smart people here! How do I become as smart as all of you?
Wow, look at all the smart people here! How do I become as smart and educated as all of you?
We like to use http://thesaurus.reference.com/
http://deadspin.com/5354828/why-your-team-sucks-pittsburgh-steelers
Question: why would a person waste time visiting a site he/she considered to be trite and insignificant? Wouldn’t it be a better use of your time to visit sites you feel have some value?
the problem isn’t that your satire is dated, or that Pittsburgh has much more embarrassing traits to make fun of, but that you’re not funny.
Also the indignant defense of the city citing relative dinosaurs such as andy warhol and george westinghouse makes a lame argument for any claim the city makes to current cultural relevance.
Actually, the problem (as it were) is that it’s not funny to homers from Pittsburgh, which was the entire point of writing it. That should be painfully obvious from the comments. The defiant insistence that “it’s not funny” in substitution for “how dare you insult something I associate with” or any logical critique of the piece is, in itself, quite amusing.
Do I have to come right out and say it? The piece was not an attack on Pittsburgh, but on the ridiculous sense of wounded pride that accompanies any real or imagined slight of it.
Hey, nice post!! Not sure words can explain the help it’s provided.
Tasers are pretty awesome