CHICAGO – A life was enriched today when ordinary citizen George Ferguson spotted a celebrity at O’Hare International Airport.  Ferguson, a processor in the Accounts Department of a generic corporation, had an unconfirmed sighting of a famous person, a moment that will forever bring joy to his life.

Ferguson identified the celebrity in question as “That Guy – you know – he was in that movie with That Blond Chick and That Fat Guy – the one where all the stuff blows up.”  Ferguson observed “That Guy” walking through Terminal 3, presumably en route to a gate where he might then board an airplane.  Additionally, Ferguson fantasized about That Guy traveling to an exotic destination and doing a multitude of fabulous and interesting things, the likes of which mere commoners can only daydream.  The idea that someone of That Guy’s stature might fly coach on a puddle jumper back to Shreveport, La. to visit his maternal aunt in an obligatory, banal weekend never occurred to Ferguson.

Who is That Guy? Is it Clint Eastwood? Maybe Fred Dryer? Maybe Kelsey Grammar? If you watched That Movie Where Stuff Blows Up, you'd know.

The Chicago Investigative Bureau assigned Examiner Nick Sherlock to the case.  Sherlock promptly uncovered several inconsistencies in the reported sighting.

“First of all, we have no physical evidence here,” he began, “no footprint, no Fritos™ bag, no DNA samples, hair follicles, nothing.  Not even a latent fingerprint from a casually discarded latte cup.  Ferguson didn’t even get a cheap, low-grade cell phone picture.”

In response, Ferguson indicated, “I really did see him.  I couldn’t believe it!  It was so exciting!  But I didn’t want to, you know, stalk the guy or anything.”

Sherlock additionally questioned numerous inconsistencies in the story.  Chiefly, he challenged the idea that despite the crowded airport, not a single other soul has collaborated the sighting of “That Guy.” Also, vital details remained incomplete; Ferguson could not identify the brand of shirt, cologne, hairstyle, or other earth-shattering information that everyone absolutely must know.  Disappointingly, he described the shoes as “nice… brown loafers.”  Not only that, he didn’t even follow That Guy to his gate so that he could blab That Guy’s destination to all the other voyeurs.

Sherlock then consulted noted Psychologist Clancy Bertram, of the Chicago Psychology Institute.  Bertram indicated that celebrity observation is a common phenomenon amongst the bored and the generally pathetic.  “Many people lack fulfillment in their own lives,” he began, “so they use celebrities as a fantasy world into which they escape.  These people are generally just too lazy to get a life for themselves.  Instead, they immerse themselves in the likes of ‘People’ magazine and obsess over its contents.  Even a simple idea like getting a hobby is too much effort when they can be spoon-fed a different disposable flavor each issue.”

Bertram continued, “We must consider the distinct possibility that the patient imagined the entire sighting.  Perhaps he just saw someone who looked like a celebrity?  Perhaps he has some deep-seated issue with his mother?  Irrational behavior like this could harbor a manifestation of deeply rooted psychological trauma.”

However, Bertram does not believe this to be the case.  “Most likely,” he concluded, “this imagined connection with someone famous could be an attempt to somehow indirectly raise him up from the muck of humanity and elevate himself above his peers in their eyes.  Next thing you know, he’ll be seeing Elvis.   Or perhaps Bigfoot?  If only he would just read a book or maybe even try bowling instead – but then I wouldn’t be able to charge these exorbitant fees.”

Ferguson’s excitement would not diminish.  “I can’t wait to tell all my coworkers all about how I saw That Guy,” he exclaimed.  “Last year, Bob from Finance said he saw That Talk Show Host having an ice cream at a café on Wacker Drive, but this is even better.  This is at an airport!”

Meanwhile, in an undisclosed suburb outside Chicago, Ferguson‘s friend Maury Slocumb took off his “That Guy” Halloween costume and laughed about wearing it through O’Hare airport.