Octuplet mom Suleman is still a virgin

In an interview with Good Morning America’s Diane Sawyer, Nadya Suleman, the single mother who brought her total number of children to 14 last month when she gave birth to octuplets, has just affirmed her virginity.

“Most mothers have had sex. But not me. My entire life, I’ve wanted children, but I’ve never wanted to deal with a husband, or boyfriend, or any one who would make sexual demands of me. When you love children the way I do, there’s no time for the distractions of domestic partnership. A man would only get in the way and I’ve got babies to hold. No man has ever sullied my life-oven with his flesh sword, and no man ever will.”

Standing womb only

Brewster Wilefacto, who says he dated Suleman in high school, has no trouble believing that Suleman’s virginity is intact. “We went out about a half a dozen times. She told me that she would never have sex. I told her I thought girls who wanted to wait for marriage were hot. She told me that marriage wasn’t an option for her, because it would get in the way of motherhood. Crazy.”

Even as questions and criticisms continue to mount around the controversial breeder and the medical team that implanted the shocking number of embryos into her attention-hungry womb, Suleman is planning to further expand her family.

“My doctor tells me that, since I’ve already had octuplets, my uterus is very stretchy. He thinks I could probably handle 10, maybe even a dozen babies next time. Frankly, I’m ecstatic at the idea.”

Members of Suleman’s family have come forth saying that Suleman is incapable of caring for so many children and that to add more would be beyond conscionable.

To those who question Suleman’s ability to care for such a large family, she has this to say: “How many mothers really hold their children? Nobody holds their children. I think I’m probably the first mother in the history of the world who has ever held her children. And, because I’m so good at it, God gave me 14 of them to hold. I really do think I’m answering God’s call by growing cropfuls of children. Sometimes the Word of God can be heard in the whisper of the wind, sometimes it can be heard in the babble of a brook, and sometimes, it comes to you cradled lovingly in a petri dish.”

Suleman crossed herself before adding: “It’s possible, even likely, that since my children are immaculately conceived, that I could be the mother to the next Christ child. That would make a great reality show, wouldn’t it?”

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