DETROIT – Aretha Franklin, Queen of Soul and self-proclaimed best singer in the history of the human voice, is unhappy about the way her rendition of “My Country ‘Tis of Thee” has been perceived by fans around the world. Criticisms of Franklin’s inaugural performance continue to surface on many Internet forums, with some accusing Franklin of having lost her magic. “Aretha might be the queen of soul, but she’s in real danger of being dethroned,” writes one fan.

Franklin, who has given lessons on R-E-S-P-E-C-T by avoiding taxes, wearing fur, and refusing to perform with musicians who might be viewed as being more talented than she, is now demanding the chance to re-give her Inaugural performance, this time in a properly heated, indoor venue. “The violins were too loud, you could hardly hear me. My voice got tangled up in my Special Edition Hat. But, most importantly, it was cold,” says the Queen. “Everybody knows, I mean everybody knows, Aretha doesn’t sing in air conditioning. Well, God had the AC cranked way the f*ck up for Inauguration Day, didn’t He?”

Pro-fur, anti-AC

Franklin, who worries constantly that her vocal cords might become damaged if exposed to less-than-optimal conditions, requires that her concert halls be heated to a precise 88 degrees when singing, with no less than 65% humidity. Notorious for her diva-like attitude, Franklin doesn’t think twice about canceling an engagement if her stipulations are not met. “I carry a thermometer with me at all times, and that’s what I go by. If it doesn’t read 88 degrees, I’m out.”

Franklin says she was willing to relax her standards in light of the historical significance of Inauguration Day, but now feels the decision was a mistake. “I should have performed via satellite, from someplace warm.”

Criticisms were not only directed at the way Franklin sang, but also toward her general demeanor, which has been described as stoic. “To stand before the president, as ominous as a slab of granite, and to not even smile at the audience on such a momentous occasion, that seems less than gracious,” says music critic and president of Mellow Flavor Sounds, Jarrod Swells. “I know she’s been singing for hundreds of years, but at an event as significant as this, poise is just as important as performance.”

“Why should I have to do a song and dance?” mused Franklin. “He’s the president, right? Well, I’m the Queen. Queen trumps President, sorry Charlie. Don’t get me wrong, I love Obama, and I’m glad he’s president, but don’t pick on me for not smiling, not when I’m up there, doing what I do, every day. Queen gets what she wants, period, and if the president can take the oath of office more than once, then the Queen gets another crack at her song, and she doesn’t have to smile while singing it.”

In addition to warm temperatures, Franklin recommends a diet of deep fat fried products and heavy whipping cream for keeping the voice in top shape.

Originally posted 2009-01-22 19:50:29. Republished by Blog Post Promoter