DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. – On the eve of the sport’s upcoming season debut, the Daytona 500, NASCAR has suddenly decided to eliminate drivers from races permanently, citing both safety and economic concerns.

“These guys have families, some more than one,” said Dirt Wilting, Jr., a NASCAR spokesman. “We can’t have a bunch of wives and sons and daughters without a father.  That’s not what NASCAR is about.”

Wilting, Jr. also went on to add that by ousting drivers from the popular sport, NASCAR will get its hands on all of the sponsorship money usually given to drivers and their racing teams.

Plans are to use radio-controlled cars instead, further reducing costs for the racing organization.

Fans, however, are furious.

The future of NASCAR?

“They’ve taken the soul outta it,” said Bunson Antler of Barn, West Virginia. “Who wants to sit and watch a bunch of toy cars go around in circles? Huh?”

Instead of rooting for drivers, fans will now cheer on their favorite number, something Wilting, Jr. thinks will reduce all the driver trash talk.

“I mean, seriously, who’s gonna insult a numeral.  What are they going to say, ‘Fourteen’s old enough for me’? Come on!”

Originally posted 2009-01-31 00:02:18. Republished by Blog Post Promoter