NEWTON (IA) – Commercial Appliance Giant Maytag® today announced the recall of 1.6 million refrigerators. The appliances allegedly have electrical problems which could cause fires. The Consumer Product Safety Commission stated that this was the largest refrigerator recall ever. When he heard the news, the Maytag Repairman™ soiled his pants.
Looks like I'm going to need some clean underwear.
“This is unfortunate, bordering on tragic,” stated CPSC spokesman Barney Leftwilly. “A million homeowners risk tragic house fires – some haven’t even faced foreclosure yet – and all due to some soulless midlevel bureaucrat being too cheap to approve a decent ventilation system. Worse than that, a good man got humiliated by his own bowel failure.”
The real victim, however, is not The Dependability People, as Maytag® have long called themselves. Rather, it is their repairs department, which consists of one lonely man – The Maytag Repairman™ – who sits around on his lazy (and now soiled) behind all day doing nothing.
The Maytag Repairman™ granted an interview, but had to do so behind closed doors, as his newfound need to multitask required that he answer questions while snapping home the waistband of a freshly donned pair of (clean) tightie-whities. Showing his trademarked dogged determination, The Maytag Repairman™ (who, citing embarrassment, declined to give his real name) said, “If I can fix eight refrigerators a day and I don’t take any days off, I should be caught up in about 548 years or so.”
Throw this out, you lazy bum!
Throughout the interview, the Maytag Repairman™ yelled through the wall that he used to have time for plenty of other ways to fill his day. He took up numerous hobbies including juggling and riding unicycles. Through all that, he never once messed up his neat blue uniform – until today’s fresh brown stain. He even started juggling while riding the unicycle, and indicated that it’s much more difficult than it looks – “like trying to dead-lift Rosie O’Donnell.”
“I also started writing satire for a website, but it appears that I’m not going to finish my next article for a while,” he said while re-fastening his belt. “Looks like that barbershop quartet I was going to join isn’t going to happen, either. Shoot. I was kinda looking forward to that. It was going to be me and Wilford Brimley, with Clint Eastwood, and Gerald Ford, too.
Ah, for the good old days - When Gerald Ford was alive!
When told Ford passed away in 2006, he replied, “I guess they’ll we need a new baritone. By the way, can you hand me that wrench?”
Originally posted 2009-03-20 09:06:43. Republished by Blog Post Promoter
