ROMEO, Mich. – Sony Music Recording Artist Bob “Kid Rock” Ritchie revealed shocking plans today for his next album. The album will be a musical diversion from his usual primal discourses on alcohol, genitalia, and easy living. Instead, progressive rock, long the bastion of such cult acts as Yes and Emerson, Lake and Palmer, will provide the grounds for his inspiration.
“I’ve always been a closet Rush fan,” admitted Rock. “Hey, they’re Canadian. They drink beer. So they must be OK, right? And I feel like with the band I have [the Twisted Brown Trucker Band], we’ve played so many diverse styles over the years – everything from rock to rap to country – that it’s time to show what we can really do as musicians.”
According to Sony spokesman Walter Sobjeck, Rock envisions a significant departure from his previous works. Lyrical themes will be inspired by outer space, science fiction novels, and intense introspective contemplation while under the influence of multiple psychotropic substances. Soaring grandiose vocal melodies will replace Rock’s signature rapping and more traditional reedy, whiskey-soaked singing.
Kid: Rock's next progressive superstar?
He further described the music as “less riff oriented.” Instead, the effects-laden songs will “invoke an atmospheric vibe,” and feature classically oriented solos with sweeping arpeggios à la Bach and Rachmaninov. Sobjeck elaborated that Rock intends to try experimenting with odd tunings, modal theory, and alternate time signatures in an attempt to see just how much he can stretch himself as an artist and as a songwriter.
It is currently unknown if Rock will stretch his musical boundaries so much that he himself is no longer capable of playing on his own album, but he does intend to use numerous guests from the progressive realm. Rock today revealed that Finnish guitarist Timmo Tolkki, formerly of the band Stratovarius, has finally recovered from his 2005 nervous breakdown and will supply a guest solo on the epic ballad, “The Universe, Space, and Fortys.” Additionally, long-running rumors that King Crimson bassist/vocalist Greg Lake would play on “The Dwarves of bel-Tal (Do It Dirty) – Parts I – IV” can now be confirmed. Other guests will be revealed at later dates as their contractual obligations allow.
“Bands like Queensrÿche and Dream Theater get so much credit for their musicianship, and I want to show what I can do, too,” continued Rock, “of course, those bands and their fans never get laid. But I already have every social disease known to man, so how much more sex do I really need?”
“That’s a joke,” he added, “don’t worry ladies, I’ll still snort lines off your back while I nail you. But with this new album, now I can be classy and sophisticated while I boink you and your sister at the same time.”
Originally posted 2009-02-07 12:21:38. Republished by Blog Post Promoter
“Bands like Queensrÿche and Dream Theater get so much credit for their musicianship, and I want to show what I can do, too,” continued Rock, “of course, those bands and their fans never get laid.”
What an ignorant statement from an ignorant person. Every member of Dream Theater is married..how can you state that? Have you seen Dream Theater’s Asian fanbase? It’s teenage-30 year old women. I would bet you anything, any one of those members got a divorce, they would have tons of women all over them. And last time I knew, the majority of their fans are musicians, who can truly appreciate the ORIGINAL music they write, who also get women.
I’m sure they get a great deal of credit because they don’t rip off 70s and 80s music (“All Summer Long,” anybody?). The majority of their music is unique. They don’t write songs that appeal to your typical white, trailer-trash buffoons (such as himself).
I’m sure his progressive-genre music is going to be much of the same mainstream garbage that taints the radio. Stick with rap, maybe rock, but please..leave country and progressive rock alone. You want to do something crazy, play jazz. Oh wait, nevermind..that takes musical talent.
Nicholas R……. just chill out….don’t worry, be happy
Sounds like Nicholas R has not been laid in a long time. I’m gonna smoke a J and bang my wife. Later loser.
Nicholas R you’re comment of “They don’t write songs that appeal to your typical white, trailer-trash buffoons (such as himself).” is in itself ignorant, narrow minded and duragatory. Not all people that live in trailers are trash or buffoons so whats so typical about that? You seem like a very “common” person and are probably 40 years old playing dungeons and dragons while living in your moms basement racking up credit card debt looking at internet porn! Keep your ignorance to your self and let Kid Rock’s success speak for itself, if you don’t like it then don’t listen to it!
OMG! Did you know, that Frankenstein used to have his nails cropped?
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