NEW YORK – In the wake of continued cries for more scoring by NFL fans, the league is considering a move to add more excitement to the game by the addition of a bizarre new way to rack up points: the defensive field goal.

“I know it sounds crazy,” stated NFL spokesman Bobbin Zilch, “but we think the fans will love it.”

In this artist's rendition, a player struggles to make a defensive field goal

The NFL has been under pressure lately to increase scoring. Some fans are even calling for it to keep pace with the production of NBA games, which routinely feature three-digit output on both sides of the ball.

“There’s something magical about three-digit sports scores,” said Ritalin Huffer, a spokesperson for the National Attention Deficit Disorder Foundation (NADD). “Our people have been moving over to the NBA but … what? Oh yeah, we like football, but it needs more scoring.”

“Although a few extra field goal attempts by players woefully unqualified for kicking would not significantly increase scoring in the near term, it could cause a buzz among both fervent and lapsed fans,” said Hive Tat, a TV ratings analyst based in Studio City, Calif.

The proposed defensive scoring option would work like this: Once the ball is no longer playable by the offense and still in bounds, as in the case of an incomplete pass, loose ball or interception, a member of the defense would have the option to individually attempt a dropkick-style field goal.

If the ball makes it through the opposing team’s uprights, it will count the same as an offensive field goal earning the defensive team three points. The scoring team would then kick off normally to their opponent.

If the attempt fails, then the offense would retain possession with a first down at the spot of where the “punt goal” kick was made.

As an added incentive to an interceptor attempting a kick, a successful field goal following an interception would be worth 10 points, since the defensive team would be risking a fresh possession in attempting its kick.

But some league purists have spoken out strongly against the proposal, cautioning it will take the sport “dangerously close to rugby.”

“This is football, darn it. This ain’t rugby. Rugby is godless and, even worse, communist,” said Jape Smother, spokesman for the Association for Semi-Retarded Footballers, Coaches and Vendors. “You want rugby, go to Europe.”

Indeed, the new scoring proposal has yet to gain a single team’s support – even the league’s worst.

“A what?! You got to be [expletive deleted] kidding me!” exclaimed Dart Feelings, newly named head coach to the winless Lions, when asked about the proposal.

Zilch, however, remains optimistic. “When you look at the numbers, it’s the defense that’s winning games out there. This way, they’ll now have the opportunity to not only score touchdowns and safeties, but field goals as well. Now that’s what I call evening the playing field!”

Originally posted 2009-01-04 19:41:09. Republished by Blog Post Promoter