WASHINGTON – On the heels of North Korea’s test of a nuclear warhead and several missile launches, U.S. officials have announced a dramatic breakthrough agreement with the wayward nation that involves beleaguered auto industry has-been General Motors.

Under the agreement, Detroit-based GM, which had been facing a looming bankruptcy filing, will shut down its entire U.S. operation and reestablish its global headquarters and manufacturing facilities in North Korea. In return, North Korea will permanently abandon its nuclear weapons program, agree to ongoing inspections to verify it remains in compliance, supply fuel for a new line of nuclear-powered GM vehicles and pay GM bondholders and senior secured creditors 35 North Korean Wons on the dollar to recapitalize the company.

The Won is currently trading at 0.007143 US Dollars, meaning creditors will receive about 25 cents on the dollar.

Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton, who announced the first details of the agreement today, said, “Desperate times require desperate measures, but we think this will be in the best interests of our two countries.”

When asked if GM had had any say in the matter, Clinton said, “No, but it’s not like they’ve had any say in anything lately. We removed their CEO (Rick Wagoner) and we dictated the requirements for them to reach agreement with their bondholders. We’re simply moving a socialized auto company to a socialist country – it’s a natural fit, really.”

Despite U.S. job losses that will likely total more than 200,000 GM workers, parts suppliers and other associated vendors, Clinton stressed the benefits of the deal, which she said would strengthen national security and also help reduce carbon emissions.

“Not only does this put an end to North Korea’s hostile nuclear weapons program, it redirects those resources into eco-friendly vehicles,” she said, adding “We’ve gone from ‘axis of evil’ to ‘axel of Eco.’”

Clinton was referring to a commitment by Kim Jong-il, who is premier of North Korea and was installed earlier today by the U.S. as the new CEO of GM, to produce a new line of nuclear-powered vehicles using nuclear fuel that would otherwise have stoked Jong-il’s illicit nuclear weapon’s program.

The first line of the new vehicles, which are called the type-25 P’okpoong-Ho and named after a North Korean main battle tank, should be ready by the end of the year, said Cheon Hae Sung, a spokesperson for the rogue state’s Minister of Unification, which is overseeing the transition of GM from U.S. to North Korean soil. Sung added that the vehicles will get 250,000 miles on one load of fuel, be capable of top speeds near 240 mph and have a towing capacity of 15,000 tons.

Other than its enhanced mission capabilities and fission-driven engine, the type-25 P’okpoong-Ho will be indistinguishable from a Hummer H1, the hulking flagship of GM’s once popular line of vehicles that have been widely praised for their ability to compensate for critical testosterone deficiencies in male drivers and cater to nesting instincts in cocooning, safety-conscious soccer moms.

Septa Jokers, an analyst with edmunds.com’s newly established nuclear-powered SUV division, said the vehicle looked “promising from a work-performance standpoint” but cautioned that it would likely have a woeful safety record because of its fuel payload.

Sung conceded there were inherent dangers in highly enriched uranium (U-235), which will be used aboard the type-25 P’okpoong-Ho. “With a half life of 703,800,000 years, it is conceivable that U-235, in the event of a serious collision, could make the accident area uninhabitable – especially the particular intersection – for many scores of years,” he allowed. “But who lives in intersections?”

In the event an accident led to a full-blown meltdown, in which cooling systems fail and fission products overheat, a “few city blocks” could be compromised in an accident with a conventionally powered vehicle and “a small town, such as the size of your Minneapolis” could be rendered a lifeless wasteland if two of the type-25 P’okpoong-Ho vehicles collided in “just the right circumstances.”

When asked of these dangers, Lissome Pantsuit, a spokeswoman for Secretary Clinton, said, “We think this is a price we must all pay for both energy security and a meaningful attack on global warming.”

Seeking to stay in front of anticipated protests from the UAW, Secretary Clinton and Cheon Hae Sung both stressed all GM workers would be offered new positions in GM’s new headquarters and manufacturing centers based in Gaeseong Gongeop Jigu, a special administrative industrial region in North Korea. Although no relocation assistance will be provided for the move, Secretary Clinton noted that as a special bonus, American GM workers who make the transfer will be allowed free speech for the first six months of their employment.

“This is a major, hard-fought concession,” she said. “We’re respecting the rights of the workers while providing a low-cost delivery platform for the type of vehicles Americans need to support their lifestyles – all while reducing our carbon footprint.”