WASHINGTON – In response to cries of economic Armageddon over his administration’s impending spend-o-thon,  President Obama announced today the unveiling of the first ever U.S.-wide, government-run lottery.

The prize? Potentially trillions of dollars. The catch? The ‘winner’ receives the prize with an attached minus sign.

You could be the winner of trillions of dollars...in debt.

“We think this is an opportunity for the American people, or at least one of them, to truly own a piece of their country – namely, the national debt,” said M. T. Wallet, newly appointed head of the government’s ‘Positive Deficit Distribution Initiative’, dubbed ‘Play ‘n Pay.’

When asked who in their right mind would play, Wallet said that everyone over the age of 21 is already entered.

“Every day, we’ll draw one social security number. The lucky participant will then select a number between 1 and 10. Then, we’ll pick a single number from a reverse-vacuum numeral dispenser filled with ten numbered ping pong balls. If the number matches the participant’s guess, we have our winner!”

Senate Republicans have tried to block the lottery, calling the move “irresponsible” and “more of the same” from the President.

Senator Mitten Huckster, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, called the lottery “literally passing the buck, or, a trillion bucks in this case!”

President Obama, however, laughed off the charges as he boarded Air Force One this morning.

“I thought Republicans were all about fiscal responsibility. Sounds to me like they’re saying the winner shouldn’t pay up. If that isn’t hypocrisy, I don’t know what is.”

“Look,” the President continued, “We’re all, every one of us, we are America. America is in deep debt. Therefore, Americans owe it to themselves and each other to pay the bills when they come due.”

Artist's rendition of the potential 'winnings'

When asked how a person like Fetal Farm, a single mother of three from Shanty, Iowa, could be expected to afford three kids and trillions in debt, Obama shrugged.

“I cannot speak for this woman, but trust that, if she wins,  she will find the strength to say ‘yes I can’ in these tough times. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have an Oprah taping to get to,” the President replied, disappearing into the plane.

No word yet on whether the prize debt is expected to be paid in one lump sum or in monthly installments.

Originally posted 2009-03-23 08:58:52. Republished by Blog Post Promoter