BRISTOL, Conn. – ESPN, already the self-anointed worldwide leader in sports, is now hoping to make a splash in the food safety beat. The over-hyped sports network has completed a fastidious compilation of select violations rung up against eateries at renowned sporting facilities throughout the country.

ESPN's Paula Lavigne helped break the story.

In ferreting through reams of inspection results from MLB, NBA, NHL and NFL game sites, ESPN produced a cherry-picked Pu-pu platter of alleged infractions in 104 locations in 25 states, Canada and the District of Columbia.  Below are some key findingsfrom the chef-d’oeuvre of investigative journalism:

Wrigley Field
Chicago Cubs
Vendors with critical violations: 100%

Inspection report excerpt: At every visit, Chicago health inspectors found Cubs fans present. Even casual contact with Cubs fans, which are highly pathogenic, poses a substantial health risk.

Giants Stadium
New York Giants, New York Jets (former)
Vendors with critical violations: 20%

Inspection report excerpt: Managers tossed hundreds of pounds of ground beef, including the entire female cast of Jersey Shore, after inspectors cited them for letting partially grilled burgers with raw centers sit at unsafe temperatures for three hours before final cooking.

Busch Stadium
St. Louis Cardinals
Vendors with critical violations: 12%

Inspection report excerpt: A bottle of Tony La Russa’s 1985 Château Pétrus was found to be stored at the improper temperature of 59 degrees.

Louisiana Superdome
New Orleans Saints
Vendors with critical violations: 12%

Inspection report excerpt: Inspectors found rodent droppings and dirty surfaces and utensils at one location and praised the facility, challenging the French Quarter to be “half as clean as this pristine, family-friendly venue.”

Conseco Fieldhouse
Indiana Pacers
Vendors with critical violations: 12%

Inspection report excerpt: Evidence of pests or rodents found at two locations. Pest later identified as Larry Bird, rodent as Shawne Williams.

M&T Bank Stadium
Baltimore Ravens
Vendors with critical violations: 1%

Inspection report excerpt: Inspectors gave the facility overall excellent marks. “They’ve showed exemplary food safety skills given the fact we were unable to locate a single rodent in the very home of the Baltimore Ratbirds,” read one report.

Heinz Field
Pittsburgh Steelers
Vendors with critical violations: 61%

Inspection report excerpt: In a display of ignorance shocking even by Pittsburgh standards, inspectors observed an employee attempting to wash his hands while wearing gloves. The worker’s identity was later revealed to be former Steeler running back Jerome Bettis. “I just can’t stay away from this place, even if it means food service work,” he tearfully explained to an inspector. After watching a two-hour sanitation video that explained why washing one’s hands while sporting gloves is unproductive, Bettis was allowed to return to the line.

Staples Center
Los Angeles Clippers, Los Angeles Lakers, Los Angeles Kings
Vendors with critical violations: 11%

Inspection report excerpt: One stand dumped 9.5 pounds of sushi after inspectors found that it become too warm. The sushi was later determined to be one of Lindsay Lohan’s partners and the citation was rescinded.

American Airlines Arena
Miami Heat
Vendors with critical violations: 93%

Inspection report excerpt: Critical violations included several safety issues related to the wiring of gas boilers. The problem is now considered resolved, however, as the gas boilers will be powered by the unlimited green energy available in the hot air that is generated by LeBron James’ self promotion.

United Center
Chicago Bulls, Chicago Blackhawks
Vendors with critical violations: 0%

Inspection report excerpt: No critical or major violations. Chicago health inspectors inspect vendors while the stadiums are empty, when no workers are preparing or serving food. Bulls officials praised the always-flexible Mayor Daley for this amazingly convenient methodology.

Gillette Stadium
New England Patriots
Vendors with critical violations: 0%

Inspection report excerpt: No critical or major violations – video-taping inspectors halted the inspection when they noticed Bill Belichick was himself video-taping them.

Joe Louis Arena
Detroit Red Wings
Vendors with critical violations: 52%

Inspection report excerpt: Poisonous or toxic materials were stored atop items used to serve customers, posing a potential risk of contamination. The noxious material was later determined to be vulgar text messages left behind by former Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick.

Paul Brown Stadium
Cincinnati Bengals
Vendors with critical violations: 31%

Inspection report excerpt: Inspectors found a few stands where hot dogs were being held at unsafe temperatures, among other violations. To solve the situation, the Cincinnati Bengals signed each of the hot dogs to their active roster

Originally posted 2010-07-26 21:16:24. Republished by Blog Post Promoter