Jimmy Hoffa found in office refrigerator

I think he actually discovered the body behind some I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter™ and a bag of leftover Arthur Treachers Fish and Chips™.”

New tax on senior discounts would pay for Social Security shortfalls

WASHINGTON – With the Social Security program projected to face a cash shortfall of $10 billion next year, Congressional democrats have been racing to find novel ways to extract taxes to counter the deficit. Inspired by recent proposals to tax “health care” items like Q-tips, contact lenses and condoms to help pay for free health [...]

A Square with Jokes – September 22, 2009

U.S. presents gift to Russia to commemorate 70th anniversary of Soviet invasion of Poland

During the ceremony, which took place in the Rose Garden at the White House, President Obama presented a signed, leather-bound book of Polish jokes to the Russian ambassador, noting, “Mr. Ambassador, I trust your government knew all along that the notion of the United States’ honoring the missile-defense deal with Poland and the Czech Republic was good for as many laughs as the jokes in this volume are.

Kanye West disses Patrick Swayze

LOS ANGELES – While country/pop starlet Taylor Swift is still enjoying the ratings boost that resulted from partially-literate Kanye West’s interruption of her acceptance speech during the 2009 VMAs, West has moved on to a target less likely to react to attack – Patrick Swayze, who lost his battle with cancer and died on September [...]

Serena Williams admitted to mental hospital after ‘roid-fueled temper tantrum

At the request of USTA officials, Williams will undergo both steroid and gender-confirmation testing. Additionally, she will undergo a battery of psychological testing to try and determine exactly what the hell she was thinking out there and if she is stupid or something.

A Square with Jokes – September 15, 2009

Transcript: Al Roker reporting live from inside the California wildfires

I gotta tell ya, the smell of all these burning juniper trees reminds me of a giant barbecue pit. I could get some pork ribs, put a little dry rub on ‘em, m-mmm. Just like mama’s.

Industrialized world to Third World: you can make diseases if we can make carbon

GENEVA – With just less than three months until a self-imposed United Nations deadline on reaching global consensus on CO2 emissions, a breakthrough agreement has been reached that signatories hope will settle the matter once and for all. Under the agreement, industrialized nations will shelve plans to pay billions of dollars per year to the [...]

A Square with Jokes – September 8, 2009