2009 April | wineandexcrement.com

A Square with Jokes - April 30, 2009

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April 30, 2009 | Posted in A Square With Jokes | Read More »

Police: Nancy Grace ‘person of interest’ in Anthony murder

ORANGE COUNTY, FL - In a stunning move by the Orange County Sheriff’s Department, CNN fixture and self-described legal analyst Nancy Grace has been named a person of interest in the murder of Florida toddler Caylee Marie Anthony.
“She seems to know an awful lot more about this case than even Casey [Anthony],” said Dick Surelock, [...]

April 29, 2009 | Posted in National News | Read More »

A Square with Jokes - April 29, 2009

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April 29, 2009 | Posted in A Square With Jokes | Read More »

Swine flu – it’s like bird flu – only new!

“Millions sick! Hospitals overwhelmed! Churches closed! The Surgical Mask will be this year’s ‘it’ fashion statement! If we could only somehow include a gleeful montage of exploding national landmarks, we’ll have every cliché covered.”

April 28, 2009 | Posted in Health | Read More »

Airlines to require passengers to void bowels before flights in bid to reduce CO2

WASHINGTON – The Air Transport Association (ATA), which represents leading U.S. airlines, announced today that its membership had reached a binding consensus on a controversial new way to combat C02 emissions – a forced reduction in passenger weight through mandatory pre-flight bowel movements.
ATA member airlines carry 90 percent of U.S. airline passengers, giving most passengers [...]

April 27, 2009 | Posted in National News | Read More »

A Square with Jokes - April 21, 2009

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April 21, 2009 | Posted in A Square With Jokes | Read More »

Sept. 11 mastermind was waterboarded 183 times in delousing effort, say former Bush administration officials

WASHINGTON – Responding to Justice Department memos declassified by the Obama administration last week, former Bush administration officials claim that CIA agents who repeatedly waterboarded Sept. 11 planner Khalid Sheikh Mohammed were not bent on torture but simply treating a raging case of head lice and dandruff.
Fecal Harpy, a spokeswoman for former Vice President Dick [...]

April 20, 2009 | Posted in National News | Read More »

Obama science adviser: nuclear winter can halt global warming

WASHINGTON – John Holdren, President Obama’s new science advisor, said this week that the threat posed by global warming is so severe that he has convinced the Obama administration to consider radical countermeasures, including the detonation of multiple nuclear warheads in an effort to create a modest nuclear winter.
Nuclear winter, like man-made global warming itself, [...]

April 14, 2009 | Posted in Science & Technology | Read More »

A Square with Jokes - April 14, 2009

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April 14, 2009 | Posted in A Square With Jokes | Read More »

Easter miracle: ‘Son of God’ autographs sky

Buttermilk, Kans. - Residents of an up until now unknown rural Kansas hamlet were greeted with an amazing Easter spectacle Sunday morning. The word ‘Jesus’ in all capital letters seemingly appeared out of thin air to the the local townsfolk.
To some, Easter is the celebration of the resurrection of Jesus Christ, a story made popular [...]

April 13, 2009 | Posted in National News | Read More »