WASHINGTON – The Department of Homeland Security (DHS), which hinted last week that it was thinking of doing away with its much-derided color-coded threat scale, confirmed today that it was moving ahead with that plan and announced its replacement.
Effective May 1, a new graded system will be rolled out that will depict chili peppers of [...]
LOS ANGELES - Miley Cyrus for VP in 2012? Ridiculous? Not so, says Fox News anchor/RNC liason Chirpy Furnace.
“She’s the extreme makeover that the Republican Party needs. She’s youthful, she’s positive, she’s popular and she’s always smiling! Yes she can!” Furnace said in a prepared statement.
“She’s also tight with Jesus. Heck, she could even sing [...]
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WASHINGTON - During this morning’s press conference, President Obama suddenly seized up, standing completely motionless when questioned by a reporter about tonight’s ‘Earth Hour’ event.
The brain lock-up error, eerily familiar to daily users of Microsoft Windows products, occurred when a reporter posed the following question:
“While switching off lights and other electrically-powered devices for an hour [...]
“In increasing numbers, citizens had shown their distrust of the financial markets by storing what little savings they have in their mattress, but the government cautions that taking those mattresses should not be misconstrued as a cash-grab.”
CUPERTINO, Calif. – Throughout the loud and proud history of the iPhone, the device has been known for its ability to cultivate a fanatical following among customers happy to pay a premium for a mobile phone that could double as a multi-functional status symbol. iPhones and the many plugins available for them have defined countless [...]
WASHINGTON – In a watershed moment that is already sending shockwaves through the general insurance industry, health insurance companies announced today that they will abandon their longstanding practice of charging higher premiums to insure the sick. The announcement comes as the industry remains besieged by militant socialist members of the House and Senate and under [...]
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WASHINGTON - In response to cries of economic Armageddon over his administration’s impending spend-o-thon, President Obama announced today the unveiling of the first ever U.S.-wide, government-run lottery.
The prize? Potentially trillions of dollars. The catch? The ‘winner’ receives the prize with an attached minus sign.
“We think this is an opportunity for the American people, or at [...]
The Consumer Product Safety Commission stated that this was the largest refrigerator-recall ever. When he heard the news, the Maytag Repairman soiled his pants.
NBC executives unaware of non-skating Olympic events
Country functions normally during four-day shutdown of Federal Government and Capitol, Dems in panic
Port-au-Prince to receive NFL franchise
Super Bowl win expected to magically cure New Orleans
Orphan futures surge on Madonna, Jolie sightings in Haiti
Earthquake Strikes Yellowstone, Frightens Woodland Critters
New Tiger Woods computer game to feature unlockable trophy women
