POSSUM HOLLER, Ky. – Two weeks after an ice storm of historical proportions left over 750,000 Kentucky households without electricity, many in this hamlet of 49 in the west-central part of the state are wondering why they now have electricity at all. Founded in 1811, Possum Holler has never been part of the electricity grid, [...]
NEW ALEXANDRIA, Pa. – A bizarre incident this weekend involving Steeler kicker Jeff Reed’s disorderly conduct charge over an empty towel dispenser in a convenience store’s men’s room here has become a little clearer with the release of additional details. Reed, who entered the men’s room of a Sheetz store around 3 a.m. Saturday morning, [...]
TURLOCK, Calif. – A gathering glut in unwanted U.S. dairy cows has prompted a startling new innovation: meat-infused ice cream. The bovine surplus has been building amid crashing milk prices, reduced spending by consumers terrified by Great Depression 2.0 and shrinking demand for U.S. cheese, milk and butter abroad. Meanwhile, the cost of feeding cows [...]
PITTSBURGH – In an effort to promote American jobs and assist the fledgling Obama Administration in its re-election efforts, the NFL has announced that the Super Bowl XLIII champion Pittsburg Steelers will have their championship rings made of steel instead of platinum. NFL commissioner Roger Goodell explained to a press conference in New York that [...]
WASHINGTON – The House Financial Services Committee today summoned to Washington the CEOs of eight U.S. banks that have received funds under the federal bailout. The eight were to appear for the customary sanctimonious tongue lashing that members of Congress enjoy giving to subjects who have fallen out of favor with their over-indulged constituents. However, [...]
…Aikman’s story served as an inspiration to at least one teammate. Backfield-mate Emmitt Smith, who somehow received a diploma from the University of Florida in 1996, has returned to Bellview Elementary School in his hometown of Pensacola, FL, to learn remedial English.
…it appears that replay will be used to correct specific rules violations such as the striking of an opponent with a foreign object or with a closed fist. Additionally, pulling of the hair or of the tights will now be subject to review. Sadly, the Greco-Roman Thumb to the Eye…
In an interview with Good Morning America’s Diane Sawyer, Nadya Suleman, the single mother who brought her total number of children to 14 last month when she gave birth to octuplets, has just affirmed her virginity. “Most mothers have had sex. But not me. My entire life, I’ve wanted children, but I’ve never wanted to [...]
LOS ANGELES – Ponderously pregnant rapper M.I.A didn’t let her pending motherhood get in the way of a show-stopping performance last night during the recording industry’s annual rite of self-idolatry, known more commonly as the Grammy Awards. The outspoken, politically aware rapper, who is Sri Lankan by way of Britain, was eager to take to [...]
ROMEO, Mich. – Sony Music Recording Artist Bob “Kid Rock” Ritchie revealed shocking plans today for his next album. The album will be a musical diversion from his usual primal discourses on alcohol, genitalia, and easy living. Instead, progressive rock, long the bastion of such cult acts as Yes and Emerson, Lake and Palmer, will [...]
Mexican drug lord donates to DOJ for legal contest against Arizona immigration law
Woman auctions, then donates, non virginity
Police: Nancy Grace ‘person of interest’ in Anthony murder
Fawn kills talking dog
Riots erupt across U.S. as frustration mounts with pace of Obama changes
Sweeps Week shocker planned: hubby to slaughter, butcher and eat wife on ‘Man Woman Wild’
Obama considers resigning presidency to host show on The Travel Channel
