Posted by KNOXVILLE, Tenn. – Stung by the Obama Administration’s naming of right-wing extremist ‘militia’ groups a serious threat to national security, conservative groups, backed by hardline Republican lawmakers, are pushing to add live-action role playing (LARP) ‘armies’ to the domestic terror watch list.
Live-action role playing, or ‘LARP’ as it is called by aficionados, is a type of role playing game (RPG) enacted in a real-life setting where participants dress in genre-specific costumes and follow agreed-upon rules, one of which is to remain ‘in character’ during the duration of each gaming session. The games themselves usually revolve around mock battles wherein groups of player ‘armies’ attempt to ‘kill’ opposing groups to win.
Most recently, the LARP phenomenon was showcased in the Universal Pictures film ‘Role Models’ starring Christopher Mintz-Plasse as Augie Farks, a downtrodden LARPer who finds a mentor in the form of Danny Donahue (Paul Rudd), an angst-ridden thirty-something energy drink salesman. Together, the two find the treasure of friendship amidst the chaos of both their fantasy – and real-life – battles.
Fogtorch of Knox, a ‘spokesherald’ for the Tennessee chapter of the Real Elven Alliance of Lore Masters (R.E.A.L.M.), dismissed the uproar.
“King George the W. hath fallen and, aye, it seems his lingering vassals doth tremble at the mere sight of our mighty ranks.”
Fellow LARPer Stormhat the Sorcerer, once a staunch Republican, called the move “an insult to the Guild.”
“Fools! Know they not the power of this!” he added, angrily shaking an injection molded tree branch he referred to as his “plus-two Staff of Denouncement.”
Political analysts see the move as a last-ditch effort by conservatives to exact an affect on anything at all.
“With recent political setbacks, like the passage of Obamacare and the financial reform package, the Right seems to have ‘jumped the shark’ politically with this latest, embarrassingly desperate ploy,” said Harris Klebold, a senior fellow at the Policy and Polity (PAP) Institute, a Washington think tank specializing in political failure analysis.
LARP 'sleeper cell' in a wooded area outside of Knoxville, TN
Wallop Trods, leader of a local Knoxville grass roots conservative rally group, vehemently disagreed.
“Our very nation is teetering on the edge of oblivion and these terrorist armies must be stopped. They’re taking over our children. Our children! They have weapons. Dangerous weapons. I mean, you could put somebody’s eye out with one of those things!”
“Besides, you know they ain’t patriotic. They’re wearing some kind of clothing from another country. And you know they voted for Obama. Just look at them, long hair and girly clothing” said Trods.
Fogtorch, however, stands by his ‘R.E.A.L.M.’
“Let them rattle their sabres and drub their bucklers, for they are but tilting at the vane. But we, we shall raise our arms and armaments in defiance of these recreant knaves, would that they slink away like curs at the crack of a lance! Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!” declared Fogtorch, triumphantly hoisting a silver spray painted foam-encased plastic baseball bat.
Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano was unaware of the existence of such groups.
“I’ve never heard of a Lerp or Lorp, or whatever you called them, so they obviously aren’t any kind of threat.”
“I’m curious, though. These conservative groups you speak of, who are they? Do we know where they live?” she asked.
Larping is a past time just like football, or any other kind of sport, although alot more storytelling goes into it. Yes, you can get hurt while larping if someone isn’t careful enough, but the same goes for any other competitive sport.
People who larp arn’t going to come and burn your town, steal your children, and rape women. They are just playing a ‘game’, and are wearing ‘uniforms’, like anyother sport.
Yeh, but you’re speaking as if these conservative groups interact with others with sense and reason. They are as thoughtless as the witch burners and followers of the Nazi religion…
you are retarded. it’s obvious that this article is bull shit or they would have named Republican names.
Someone called Wallop Trods- highlighting the dangers of hitting (also known as ‘walloping”) people with latex weapons- come on- this can’t be real.
LRP is not under threat from a bunch neo nazi conservatives. If it is it won’t be the 1st time or the last.
And for the record it is not like sport-though it is active, anyone can have a go at LRP- only people who are good at sport can actively enjoy most sports.
They know where you live…
The fantasy LARPers are a decoy.
The people who do spy games are the real threat. They camoflage among the populance(wear suits), and plot to plant bombs(devices that make bing sounds), commit assassinations (with nerf guns), while practicing good covert methods (real covert methods).
Are they actually serious with that? AHAHAHAHAHAHA such small minded fools. Im half tempted to make an army of my own!
I find it ironic that the American Conservatives preach that every person in the country should be allowed to have assault rifles in their houses, but they aren’t allowed to go out into a field to whack each other with bits of foam?
You could have someone’s eye out with a rifle, too. And their brains, a lot of blood, and a few chunks of skull, too.
OK so now LARP’s a National security threat. Hey folks I know a larp game of VTM that runs at city hall in my town of Escondido. I dont see anything wrong with it. Im security ems for the City hall and We love thouse guys. I also play when im not working and i find it relaxing and fun to get out of myself for a it. The real threats to this country dont come from LARP’ers They come for ignoarant and Bias. The republicans / Democrats/ Liberals .. who cares Now .. they all seem to have been Messing up this country for a while now. I say lets Let a LARP’er pretend to be president and let him run things for a bit .. I mean he probabuly would do a better job pretending to be president than Our current or preivious administration’s has done for real. Thats the sad Facts of the matter. So i say Do as you wish The amendments state that we are free to do as we please as long as we dont fringe on others freedoms. But i guess they kind of forgot that didnt they.
haha josh!! I totally go to that larp myself this is totally hilarious
it’s a joke!!! quit taking yourselves so seriously.
You folks are not real bright it would seem.
I’m assuming, based on the replies, that you spend a lot of time at The Onion and consider it a viable news source?
Bahahahahhahahahahhaahahaha.
this is to damn funny. I started laughing when I read the title and still am.