Would 2,881 game seconds have saved the day?

MILWAUKEE – On New Year’s Eve, the Milwaukee Bucs lost narrowly to the Houston Rockets in Houston, 85-81. Today, the Bucs officially filed a protest with the NBA – not over an official’s call, but over timekeeping.

The game began at 7 p.m. EST, or midnight Coordinated Universal Time (UTC). It just so happens that at that exact time, a so-called “leap second” was being added to atomic clocks to compensate for orbital drag, which scientists say slows the earth’s spin and eventually causes it to be out of synch with atomic clocks.

Without the occasional “leap second” to offset the discrepancy, eventually – that is, in about 1,000 years – the sun’s highest point in the sky – an honor reserved exclusively for the noon hour – would instead occur sacrilegiously at 1 p.m.

Although many timekeeping devices throughout the world, such as cell phones, computers and others, should have automatically inserted the extra second around 12 a.m. UTC, the Bucs say that wasn’t a factor in what happened Friday because the adjustment was made right before tip off and didn’t effect actual game time as recorded on the scoreboard.

“We’ve analyzed the game, and, sure enough, it only took 2,880 seconds (48 minutes) in scoreboard time,” said Scott Skiles, coach of the 15-18 Bucs.

“I’m not saying we would have won for sure with that extra second, but who knows? A guy could have heaved a three in that extra second and gotten fouled. Boom, four points.”

NBA officials have said games rarely start at precisely the scheduled time, in this case, 7 p.m. and zero seconds. “Given that, there would be no way for the leap second to have been inserted into play time,” said NBA Commissioner David Stern.

Stern said the NBA will study the protest but added, “Even an atomic clock couldn’t measure how much time would have to pass before I agreed with their position.”

Originally posted 2009-01-02 08:27:01. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

ST. LOUIS – Future hall of famer and part-time player manager Albert Pujols today explained the bizarre hit-and-run play during Game Five of the World Series in which the runner (slow-footed Allen Craig) ran, but the hitter-manager (Albert Pujols) didn’t even swing).

“The guy was a distraction for me down there on first base,” Pujols told reporters at the team’s daily media briefing today. “I wanted him gone because I couldn’t concentrate on hitting the ball out the stadium with him pestering me out of the corner of my eye.

“If I were a left-handed hitter, man, he’s still be there, or I mean he would have still been there when I hit the game-tying home run, but I’m a right hander. Not going to apologize about that.”

When asked directly if he had called the hit and run with the intent to not swing so Craig would be eliminated from first base, Pujols replied, “Him looming down at first base … it was awful. It was worse than having a splinter in your eye that you can’t get out. Yes … or maybe he’d steal the base, but then I’d have to put it on again to get him out of my sight.”

Craig has stolen five bases in his career.

After receiving the hit-and-run order from Pujols, which, according to Cardinals manager Tony La Russa, was transmitted via “buttocks – Albert touches his buttocks in a particular order to put it on,” Craig dutifully lumbered into action on the base path when the pitcher began his windup, only to watch Pujols impassively watch the pitch sail by.  

Rangers catcher Mike Napoli threw him out by several feet after pausing to tweet “watch this” to his followers.

Pujols was then intentionally walked.

“Dang, they walked me, so I didn’t even get to take a swing after getting rid of Craig,” said Pujols. “I guess that’s why Tony gets the really big bucks – he can think more than one move ahead.”

La Russa refused to criticize Pujols hit-and-take play – sort of. “Albert’s special. He’s a special guy, special ballplayer. He’s in the circle – the inside circle. He’s going to the Hall of Fame. He’s earned it, ok? He’s earned it. I have confidence in him. He’s earned the right to test that confidence by calling a hit and run and then not hitting, so we have a new play now, the take-and-run.”

“I’m just glad I didn’t call it – I thought I might have accidentally called it when I picked my nose before that at bat, but I didn’t. It was all on Albert, who is a great player.”

Originally posted 2011-10-26 07:08:18. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

“I know it sounds crazy,” stated NFL spokesman Bobbin Zilch, “but we think the fans will love it.”

In this artist's rendition, a player struggles to make a defensive field goal

The NFL has been under pressure lately to increase scoring. Some fans are even calling for it to keep pace with the production of NBA games, which routinely feature three-digit output on both sides of the ball.

“There’s something magical about three-digit sports scores,” said Ritalin Huffer, a spokesperson for the National Attention Deficit Disorder Foundation (NADD). “Our people have been moving over to the NBA but … what? Oh yeah, we like football, but it needs more scoring.”

“Although a few extra field goal attempts by players woefully unqualified for kicking would not significantly increase scoring in the near term, it could cause a buzz among both fervent and lapsed fans,” said Hive Tat, a TV ratings analyst based in Studio City, Calif.

The proposed defensive scoring option would work like this: Once the ball is no longer playable by the offense and still in bounds, as in the case of an incomplete pass, loose ball or interception, a member of the defense would have the option to individually attempt a dropkick-style field goal.

If the ball makes it through the opposing team’s uprights, it will count the same as an offensive field goal earning the defensive team three points. The scoring team would then kick off normally to their opponent.

If the attempt fails, then the offense would retain possession with a first down at the spot of where the “punt goal” kick was made.

As an added incentive to an interceptor attempting a kick, a successful field goal following an interception would be worth 10 points, since the defensive team would be risking a fresh possession in attempting its kick.

But some league purists have spoken out strongly against the proposal, cautioning it will take the sport “dangerously close to rugby.”

“This is football, darn it. This ain’t rugby. Rugby is godless and, even worse, communist,” said Jape Smother, spokesman for the Association for Semi-Retarded Footballers, Coaches and Vendors. “You want rugby, go to Europe.”

Indeed, the new scoring proposal has yet to gain a single team’s support – even the league’s worst.

“A what?! You got to be [expletive deleted] kidding me!” exclaimed Dart Feelings, newly named head coach to the winless Lions, when asked about the proposal.

Zilch, however, remains optimistic. “When you look at the numbers, it’s the defense that’s winning games out there. This way, they’ll now have the opportunity to not only score touchdowns and safeties, but field goals as well. Now that’s what I call evening the playing field!”

Originally posted 2009-01-04 19:41:09. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Don't cry for Owens. Cry for the future.

ALEXANDER CITY, Ala. – Recently fired wide receiver Terrell Owens announced his retirement from the National Football League at a press conference today.  Owens, 35, probably has the ability to continue his football career, but as of yet, no NFL team has expressed interest in signing him – primarily because he is a douchbag.

Within 24 hours of his release, 16 teams had gone on record stating they had no plans to hire Owens.  Instead, he now plans to open an academy where he will teach young players how to act.  The school, tentatively called The Ego Academy for the Attention Deprived (EgAAD), expects to open full time next winter, but a limited curriculum will be available this summer.

“Get your popcorn ready,” said Owens. “If you loved me – and I know I loves me some me – then you’ll love this.  I’m giving something back.  This will allow an entire generation of future players to put themselves in front of their teams.”

Classes will include:

·         Destroying team chemistry from the inside

·         Teammate alienation (with a special focus on quarterbacks)

·         Delusions of grandeur

·         Stars, jackets, cell phones and sit-ups – taunting with props

·         Finding your inner selfishness

·         Cultivating your overall diva persona

·         How to get fired 3 times in 6 years

Owens will be just one of many famous faculty at EgAAD.  He has already appointed Dennis Rodman as Dean of Students and will teach a class called Substituting Spectacle for Talent – How to Age Disgracefully.  Joe Horn has contracted to teach several classes.  Tentatively, Sean Avery, Drew Rosenhaus and Chad Johnson are expected to receive professor emeritus status in exchange for guest lecture appearances.  Lastly, Owens indicated that none other than the Queen of Soul herself, Aretha Franklin, has been hired as a wardrobe consultant specializing in gaudy hats.

Another former Wide Receiver, Hall Of Famer Michael Irvin, seemed eager to help.  “I could teach a lot of things,” said Irvin, “Stabbing your teammates with scissors…  where to buy blow within a block of a courtroom…  the list goes on.”

“I’m tremendously excited about this next phase of Terrells life,” said agent Drew Rosenhaus.  “This is the biggest thing to ever happen to football, and I’m proud to be a part of it.  We’ve tried to line up the very best faculty possible.  Not everyone makes the cut.  Just as one example, we reached out to Paris Hilton to teach a class on inner selfishness, but ultimately didn’t make an offer, as she’s not capable of actually communicating.  Not even by accident.  I did get to score with her, though – not that it took much effort.”

Rosenhaus also indicated that Owens considered reaching out to Madonna to teach the diva class, but ultimately decided to hire someone relevant to current pop culture.  Allegedly, an offer has instead been made to comedian Carrot Top.  When asked to confirm this, Rosenhaus answered, “next question.”

When asked for comment, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said, “The NFL very fortunate that Mr. Owens has never succeeded at anything in life.  If he were to pull this off, our TV ratings would be as bad as regular season college basketball.”

Originally posted 2009-03-06 11:12:48. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Billy Martin, an attorney for Vick, confirmed today that Team Vick was notified by federal prosecutors that the unusual clause, which had been inserted by U.S. District Judge Henry E. Hudson, had been triggered.

Although Garote said the decision would be “vigorously and repeatedly” appealed, Vick has been ordered to report to federal prison in Leavenworth, Kansas by midnight Eastern tonight or 8 a.m. Central tomorrow, whichever comes first.

After an investigation revealed that Vick and his confederates engaged in and profited from recreational dog killing over at least a six-year period, he plead guilty to “Conspiracy to Travel in Interstate Commerce in Aid of Unlawful Activities and to Sponsor a Dog in an Animal Fighting Venture.”

Vick also agreed to cooperate fully in the investigation. In return, prosecutors asked that Vick receive near the minimum sentence.

Judge Hudson sentenced Vick to 23 months in prison. Although this was well below the maximum of six years, Hudson did insert a small clause, apparently unnoticed by his attorneys, the media and Vick’s current employer, the Philadelphia Eagles, stipulating that “any act of thuggery or otherwise boorish behavior on the part of Defendant Vick during his probationary period [three years after release] will immediately trigger the conversion of his sentence to dog years. For the purposes of the conversion, Defendant’s sentence will be multiplied by the commonly accepted factor of seven.”

Vick completed the 23-month term earlier this year. After receiving high-profile endorsements from perennially naïve nice guy and former Colts coach Tony Dungy, he convinced the Eagles to sign him as a backup quarterback in Philadelphia, where he hopes to reignite his stalled career.

What qualifies as boorish behavior was not explicitly laid out by Judge Hudson, but according to federal prosecutors, the serious nature of Vick’s earlier transgressions “really lowers the bar” in terms of applying that definition.

“Here’s a guy, a convicted dog torturer, who has repeatedly shown a lack of impulse control in the past, and his recent actions prove he hasn’t changed,” said Thor Weissehound, a federal prosecutor assigned to the case. “Now that he’s drinking and ogling dogs in strip clubs, we’re afraid he could revert to fighting them – or something even worse. Mr. Vick has nothing but himself to blame for his return to prison.”

Vick, when told he had to report to Leavenworth again, wondered if the decision might be delayed until at least Week Three of the season. “We play the Chiefs then, don’t we?” he asked. “I bet I’m a first-string baller by then, and then you know Roger and Coach would vouch for me and if not, we’re in Kansas anyways and I can just reup there.”

Leavenworth is about 20 miles from Kansas City, home of the Chiefs, whom the Eagles play on Set. 27. However, the game is at Philadelphia.

“Just speaking from the heart, I know that between now and then, I can prove to kids not only can you not be fighting dogs, you know, but you also got to stay out of the strip clubs and you also can’t be drinking, you know?” continued Vick. “I’m not sure what that leaves a fella to do, but I know kids smarter than me can figure it out. There’s got to be something, you know? Where I came up, I never had the chance to come up with other ideas, and I hope this helps other kids get a better chance than I had.”

When reminded of his failed drug test while free on bail after his initial arrest, he said, “That’s right, there’s always weed. But the Man don’t like you doing that, either. You know, I found that out by, you know, taking full responsibility for my actions, being totally responsible, embracing complete responsibility, and accepting total responsibility.”

Vick added, “Dog years? If they converted my stats to dog stats, I’d have more yards than Brett Favre. Dog years, I’ll show you dog years.” Vick’s interview then abruptly ended after he shouted several expletives over the sound of pained canine yelping in the background.

Judge Hudson could not be reached for comment, but Lawrence Seacone, a legal analyst who holds a doctorate in Mastery of the Obvious, said the judge was “likely sending a message, likely trying to engage in a little poetic justice while at the same time getting something practical done by applying dog years to a man who really had a negative impact on many dozens of dogs’ lives.”

Originally posted 2009-09-08 13:42:16. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

BRISTOL, Conn. – ESPN, already the self-anointed worldwide leader in sports, is now hoping to make a splash in the food safety beat. The over-hyped sports network has completed a fastidious compilation of select violations rung up against eateries at renowned sporting facilities throughout the country.

ESPN's Paula Lavigne helped break the story.

In ferreting through reams of inspection results from MLB, NBA, NHL and NFL game sites, ESPN produced a cherry-picked Pu-pu platter of alleged infractions in 104 locations in 25 states, Canada and the District of Columbia.  Below are some key findingsfrom the chef-d’oeuvre of investigative journalism:

Wrigley Field
Chicago Cubs
Vendors with critical violations: 100%

Inspection report excerpt: At every visit, Chicago health inspectors found Cubs fans present. Even casual contact with Cubs fans, which are highly pathogenic, poses a substantial health risk.

Giants Stadium
New York Giants, New York Jets (former)
Vendors with critical violations: 20%

Inspection report excerpt: Managers tossed hundreds of pounds of ground beef, including the entire female cast of Jersey Shore, after inspectors cited them for letting partially grilled burgers with raw centers sit at unsafe temperatures for three hours before final cooking.

Busch Stadium
St. Louis Cardinals
Vendors with critical violations: 12%

Inspection report excerpt: A bottle of Tony La Russa’s 1985 Château Pétrus was found to be stored at the improper temperature of 59 degrees.

Louisiana Superdome
New Orleans Saints
Vendors with critical violations: 12%

Inspection report excerpt: Inspectors found rodent droppings and dirty surfaces and utensils at one location and praised the facility, challenging the French Quarter to be “half as clean as this pristine, family-friendly venue.”

Conseco Fieldhouse
Indiana Pacers
Vendors with critical violations: 12%

Inspection report excerpt: Evidence of pests or rodents found at two locations. Pest later identified as Larry Bird, rodent as Shawne Williams.

M&T Bank Stadium
Baltimore Ravens
Vendors with critical violations: 1%

Inspection report excerpt: Inspectors gave the facility overall excellent marks. “They’ve showed exemplary food safety skills given the fact we were unable to locate a single rodent in the very home of the Baltimore Ratbirds,” read one report.

Heinz Field
Pittsburgh Steelers
Vendors with critical violations: 61%

Inspection report excerpt: In a display of ignorance shocking even by Pittsburgh standards, inspectors observed an employee attempting to wash his hands while wearing gloves. The worker’s identity was later revealed to be former Steeler running back Jerome Bettis. “I just can’t stay away from this place, even if it means food service work,” he tearfully explained to an inspector. After watching a two-hour sanitation video that explained why washing one’s hands while sporting gloves is unproductive, Bettis was allowed to return to the line.

Staples Center
Los Angeles Clippers, Los Angeles Lakers, Los Angeles Kings
Vendors with critical violations: 11%

Inspection report excerpt: One stand dumped 9.5 pounds of sushi after inspectors found that it become too warm. The sushi was later determined to be one of Lindsay Lohan’s partners and the citation was rescinded.

American Airlines Arena
Miami Heat
Vendors with critical violations: 93%

Inspection report excerpt: Critical violations included several safety issues related to the wiring of gas boilers. The problem is now considered resolved, however, as the gas boilers will be powered by the unlimited green energy available in the hot air that is generated by LeBron James’ self promotion.

United Center
Chicago Bulls, Chicago Blackhawks
Vendors with critical violations: 0%

Inspection report excerpt: No critical or major violations. Chicago health inspectors inspect vendors while the stadiums are empty, when no workers are preparing or serving food. Bulls officials praised the always-flexible Mayor Daley for this amazingly convenient methodology.

Gillette Stadium
New England Patriots
Vendors with critical violations: 0%

Inspection report excerpt: No critical or major violations – video-taping inspectors halted the inspection when they noticed Bill Belichick was himself video-taping them.

Joe Louis Arena
Detroit Red Wings
Vendors with critical violations: 52%

Inspection report excerpt: Poisonous or toxic materials were stored atop items used to serve customers, posing a potential risk of contamination. The noxious material was later determined to be vulgar text messages left behind by former Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick.

Paul Brown Stadium
Cincinnati Bengals
Vendors with critical violations: 31%

Inspection report excerpt: Inspectors found a few stands where hot dogs were being held at unsafe temperatures, among other violations. To solve the situation, the Cincinnati Bengals signed each of the hot dogs to their active roster

Originally posted 2010-07-26 21:16:24. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

When asked to comment, God declined an interview, and instead chose to communicate His Message directly to the writer via divine inspiration. This is The Word of God:

“Don’t get fooled by Kurt’s understatement. Every five minutes, he’s in my ear! Between him and every other evangelist, I never have any time to get anything done around here.

“Ever wonder what I do after that 7th day – when I rest? I sit around all day and listen to people begging for every petty little triviality they can think of. Is it really MY problem who wins a football game? Thank ME that at least John Kitna’s done for the season. That alone gives me enough free time that at least I can work in the occasional game of squash.

“I’d love to do something about The Middle East, but I can’t get a spare minute, what with all the requests to win. Does Kurt think his prayers are more powerful then Troy Polomalu’s? It’s gotten bad enough that I’m tempted to send the Archangel Michael – you know, the protector of the Earth – back down to personally visit Kurt and tell him to please, for the love of Me, just give it a rest already. Have you forgotten my words that quickly? In Matthew 6:5-6, I said:

“I hate to admit this, but if you want to win a Super Bowl, you’re really better off going down to Lucifer for help. He’s a much bigger sports fan then I am. Truth be told, he’s been known to meddle in the game sometimes, too. Just ask Deion Sanders.

Although Kurt Warner apparently has a hotline to the Lord, he is apparently considered a prank caller.

“And while we’re on the subject, everybody wants to ask about the weather problems down in Hades (Of course I know that you want to ask – I’m God, I know all, remember?) It’s frozen. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I’m laughing about it. They’re laughing about it down there, too. They call it “Rest Break.” It actually happens more than you might think.

“It happened last October, when The Phillies won The Series. It happened on Election Day. It happened when another car dealer really did beat the unbeatable prices of James Chevrolet in Bala Cynwyd, PA. It’s not really as uncommon as you might think.

“Give Kurt credit, though. I deliberately gave him that wife, Brenda, as a test. I wanted to see how strong his faith was, and putting up with her, well, let’s just say that even Job would have struggled with such an ordeal. Kurt got his earthly rewards for that in 1999, though.

“I intended that to suffice until I resurrect him on the last day. If you want the truth, none of this is actually My Plan. In all honesty (like I’d lie!), I was sitting in on a jam with the Pearly Gates House Band; most of it anyway. It’s a little known fact that I love playing the sax. Jim Morrison, Cliff Burton, and John Bonham were there, but Jimi Hendrix was playing golf, so Stevie Ray Vaughan filled in on guitar for him.

“They were working on showing Billy Powell the songs.  We finally got a keyboard player. Anyway, we were all grooving to this righteous jam, all the while tripping balls on this killer hash I made when Kurt started praying again. I was so wasted – and believe me, it takes a LOT to get me wasted – that I forgot Kurt wasn’t on the Rams anymore. So I granted his prayer, made the ref ignore the pass interference at the end of the Eagles game, and now look at this mess.”

### end of transcript ###

Originally posted 2009-01-30 16:06:20. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

ST. LOUIS – Embittered, embattled, and perennial underachieving future Hall of Fame Cardinals Manager Tony La Russa has lodged a formal complaint against the iconic Gateway Arch of St. Louis, claiming it is distracting his club’s hitters. With the action, the arch joins a long line of inanimate objects that have been targeted by official La Russa protests, although it becomes the first National Historic Landmark to do so.

In the complaint, La Russa demands an investigation into the arch’s “unbalanced and detrimental effect on Cardinal hitters” and seeks an “injunction, to be enforced by world-renowned magician David Copperfield” on the arch until the inquiry is complete.

In addition to inanimate objects, umpires are frequent targets of La Russa's groundless gripes.

When asked by a reporter how Copperfield could deliver an injunction against a 630-foot monument, La Russa replied testily, “He can make it go away. He did that to the Statue of Liberty, didn’t he? Then he can do it here.

“And while he’s at it, maybe he can make Joey Votto, Prince Fielder, Johnny Cueto, DUI laws, and all the idiots – I mean all baseball fans who aren’t Cardinals fans – I mean maybe he can make a lot of other things go away, too, including you.”

Since the arch has been in place since 1965 – well before Busch Stadium was constructed– it is unclear why the protest is only now being lodged. But in his complaint, La Russa postulates that something about the arch may have changed “on or about June 1.”

The Cardinals are 14-16 at home since June 1 – a far cry from their usual winning ways in St. Louis, traditionally a source of exaggerated pride and league-wide taunting.

The arch protest is part of a recent outburst of accusations the squawky skipper has made in an effort to deflect blame for his club’s free-fall in the standings; after going 1-7 against the division-leading Brewers since June 1, the Cardinals stand a season-high five games removed from first place.

Lodging outlandish complaints against opponents is a core tactic of the La Russa playbook, and he has cultivated a reputation as a chronic complainer and excuse maker over a career that has spanned decades. Still, his histrionics this season, which range from accusing opponents of stealing signs to charges of a conspiracy to vary the intensity of the Miller Park scoreboard that somehow exclusively benefits the Brewers (La Russa has been dismayed over a positive correlation between the Brewers’ winning percentage and playing at home), have been considered shrill even by his standards.

Objects of complaints earlier in his career include the distance of his team hotel from a visiting ballpark, balls that were “too slippery” in Cincinnati, the height of a pitching mound in Colorado, pine tar on an opposing pitcher’s cap, the height of a mound in Cincinnati, fireworks smoke in Cincinnati, and ESPN scheduling decisions.

All of the complaints were baseless, and they shared another thing in common: they all involved a team that had the audacity to challenge the Cardinal’s self-appointed image as a divisional and league elite.

There is no word yet on how authority will be apportioned in the protest between Major League Baseball, the National Register of Historic Places, and other potential regulatory bodies.

Mendenhall made the announcement amid social media outbursts in which he criticized Americans for supporting the killing of 9-11 Mastermind Osama bin Laden and expressed doubt that bin Laden was behind the attacks and that a “plane could take a skyscraper down demolition style.”

After receiving a less-than-surprising barrage of criticism, Mendenhall unleashed an even bigger bombshell: “I’m outta here,” he tweeted. “Goin’ to ball with some straight up hard-core playas in Afghanistan.”

In an interview, Mendenhall’s agent explained that the player was not unpatriotic, but just had a soft spot for “the underdog.”

“Just like his beloved Pittsburgh Steelers never get the respect they so dearly deserve, neither does Al Qaeda,” he explained. “With so much in common, and with the NFL season in question anyway, Rashard just felt it was the right time to exchange some best practices with some of the toughest men in the world.”

At the ‘Qaeda camps, Mendenhall will focus on his ball-handling struggles; he has arranged to sprint through a live minefield while carrying a football and having rocket-propelled grenades fired just over his head.

In return, Mendenhall will donate several thousand “Terrible Towels” to the struggling ‘Qaeda terrorist cell, which plans to use them for a much-needed change of underwear.

The State Department could not be reached to comment on Mendenhall’s planned trip, including the legality of it.

They cite famed dog killer and Philadelphia star quarterback Michael Vick’s early boot from NFL postseason play as a precipitating event that could undo much of the PR gains the sport fought so hard to accomplish under Vick’s endorsement over the past year.

And, as Pittsburgh advances to the Super Bowl, they loathe the resurgence of their sport’s most bitter rival: rape. Pittsburgh is led by accomplished coed rapist and two-time Super Bowl Champion quarterback Ben Roethlisberger.

“Michael’s defeat in the playoffs was a black swan event, a real script reverser,” frets Rick Haliburton, a retired champion dog killer who now writes a column on the sport for ESPN. “Everything was going full bore when Mike kept winning. When he lost so suddenly in the playoffs, some folks sort of had the blinders ripped right off.”

Haliburton said Vick’s early exit will especially harm recruiting efforts aimed at middle school children, a population the sport views vital to its long-term relevancy.

“There’s no longer any doubt that NFL players are the most important role models in a child’s life. So we worry not only about kids thinking dog fighting doesn’t offer them a future, we also worry will they look to rape to fill that void. The competition for kids’ hearts and minds is really tough out there. Now I know what Joe Camel went through.”

Michael Vick hopes to become the first athlete to win a Super Bowl and the Ballers' Cup, pro dog fighting's highest honor

“We as a sport came to rely on Vick’s winning dynamic,” he continued. “In the eyes of the modern parent, when an athlete wins, all of his behavior is virtuous by definition. Mike created a vital halo effect for us, and it’s going to be tough to recover.”

Initially, some expressed outrage at Vick’s heinous torture of dogs. But when he began unexpectedly winning games after his return from his token prison term, he – and dog fighting – became more popular than before his supposed fall from grace.

“It’s just a really neat example of moral relativism,” noted sports psychotherapist Winifred Simpson. “The more he won, the more compelling dog fighting apologists like Colin Cowherd became. The argument evolved from ‘It’s ok that he tortured dogs because he’s a winner’ to ‘If I torture dogs, I can be a winner.’ It’s going to be a big loss to the dog fighting industry if this line of reasoning gets dialed back a level or worse.”

But Haliburton says the industry hasn’t given up hope yet. They are holding out hope that Vick can sill capture the NFL’s Most Valuable Player award, and are lobbying to have a new annual award, Most Valuable Dog Fighter, initiated.

They are also launching social media campaigns, school fliers and even a children’s book that focus on Vick’s storied comeback in 2010, especially his historic victory against Washington, in which he became the first quarterback in history to pass for three touchdowns and rush for two in the first half of a game, and his comeback win over Washington, when he joined forces with Giants punter Matt Dodge to help Philadelphia overcome a 21-point deficit in the fourth quarter.

“The message to fans is the only difference between you and Mike Vick is that you don’t dogfight. Only you can change that. After that, the sky’s the limit.”

Originally posted 2011-01-25 22:35:42. Republished by Blog Post Promoter