NNEW YORK- On the eve of the opening ceremonies, Dick Ebersol, Chairman of NBC Universal Sports, was stunned today during a press conference when a German reporter asked him if the network would be covering the Men’s Giant Slalom in the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver, Canada.
“The what?”, Ebersol asked, following the question of Hans [...]
PITTSBURGH – A coalition of Pittsburgh Women’s Shelters dedicated to combating domestic violence issued a joint press release today thanking the Oakland Raiders for sparing “untold numbers” of Pittsburgh-area women from more serious injuries Sunday evening.
Earlier in the day, the Pittsburgh Steelers suffered an embarrassing, overtime loss to the struggling Kansas City Chiefs. The Chiefs [...]
At the request of USTA officials, Williams will undergo both steroid and gender-confirmation testing. Additionally, she will undergo a battery of psychological testing to try and determine exactly what the hell she was thinking out there and if she is stupid or something.
RICHMOND, Va. – Under a strict but little-known clause attached to Michael Vick’s plea agreement, the troubled ex-con’s recent crass behavior, including publically quaffing an adult beverage and cavorting with fellow athletically gifted renegade Allen Iverson in a Norfolk strip club, will add 11 and a half years to his recently completed 23-month sentence because [...]
Mass confusion halted play in a key soccer match yesterday due to a little-known nuance, apparently called a “goal.” During the match…a player kicked the ball as usual. However, it left the field of play and entered the protective netting at the opponents’ end of the field. Unsure how to proceed, the game awkwardly halted.
NEW YORK - Satanic cult leaders announced today at a press conference that they are in the midst of organizing a youth sports program to counter the fast growing and popular Upward curriculum that has captivated Christian churches throughout the United States.
Upward, well known among Christians as a ministry that encourages youths to seek Jesus [...]
…The school, tentatively called The Ego Academy for the Attention Deprived (EgAAD), expects to open full time next winter, but a limited curriculum will be available this summer.
“Get your popcorn ready,” said Owens. “If you loved me – and I know I loves me some me – then you’ll love this. I’m giving something back. This will allow an entire generation of future players to put themselves in front of their teams.”
NEW ALEXANDRIA, Pa. - A bizarre incident this weekend involving Steeler kicker Jeff Reed’s disorderly conduct charge over an empty towel dispenser in a convenience store’s men’s room here has become a little clearer with the release of additional details.
Reed, who entered the men’s room of a Sheetz store around 3 a.m. Saturday morning, became [...]
PITTSBURGH – In an effort to promote American jobs and assist the fledgling Obama Administration in its re-election efforts, the NFL has announced that the Super Bowl XLIII champion Pittsburg Steelers
will have their championship rings made of steel instead of platinum. NFL commissioner Roger Goodell explained to a press conference in New [...]
…Aikman’s story served as an inspiration to at least one teammate. Backfield-mate Emmitt Smith, who somehow received a diploma from the University of Florida in 1996, has returned to Bellview Elementary School in his hometown of Pensacola, FL, to learn remedial English.
NBC executives unaware of non-skating Olympic events
Country functions normally during four-day shutdown of Federal Government and Capitol, Dems in panic
Port-au-Prince to receive NFL franchise
Super Bowl win expected to magically cure New Orleans
Orphan futures surge on Madonna, Jolie sightings in Haiti
Earthquake Strikes Yellowstone, Frightens Woodland Critters
New Tiger Woods computer game to feature unlockable trophy women
