White House Press Secretary, Robert Gibbs, announced at a press briefing this morning that President Obama is mulling resigning the presidency in favor of hosting his own show on The Travel Channel. “The presidency has offered the President unparalleled opportunity to explore his true passion: travel – or more specifically, vacationing,” said Gibbs. “The Travel [...]
MINNEAPOLIS –Tattoo aficionado and former NBA rebounding phenom Dennis “The Worm” Rodman, speaking to an unknown gossip columnist with the Minneapolis Star Tribune, unveiled a startling claim yesterday, boasting that his sexual conquests total 2,000 victims women, or nearly one tryst for every six regular-season rebounds logged during his storied career. Even more surprising was [...]
Drug arrest? Check. Rehab? Check. Probation violation? Check. Jail time? Check. With a speed and ease that Hollywood insiders are calling “astonishing” and “record-setting,” Lindsay Lohan has been dutifully checking off items on her own celebrity bad-girl to-do list, or “bucket list.” A bucket list is a list of goals a person hopes to accomplish [...]
Only hours after demanding that federal authorities investigate groups opposed to the construction of a mosque at Ground Zero in Manhattan, Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, has turned her attention to another target: namely, every American citizen. Specifically, Pelosi has leveled the charge that her falling job performance numbers are the result of well-financed [...]
WASHINGTON – Pleasantly surprised by the feverish, nonstop major-network news coverage of an aircraft accident in Alaska despite the fact that it involved a single-engine float plane manufactured in 1952 with a maximum passenger capacity of only 10, the NTSB today proposed that the FAA require one member of the U.S. Congress to be aboard [...]
Former U.S. president, Jimmy Carter, filed suit yesterday in U.S. Federal District Court against current sitting president, Barack Obama. According to court documents, Mr. Carter has leveled several legal challenges to President Obama, including violation of intellectual property rights. Said Carter’s attorney, Vincent Nortel, “Former President Carter is protected as a fictional character by common [...]
NEW YORK – The overnight transformation of JetBlue flight attendant Steven Slater from anonymous airline employee to social media darling has itself become a major media spectacle. Major newspapers and networks have been transfixed by his story, which started with an obscenity-laced swan song down an emergency exit slide after a confrontation with a scum-of-the-earth [...]
MADISON, Wis. – A coalition of wives of the Milwaukee Teachers Education Association (MTEA) has filed an amicus curiae in the ridiculous civil suit brought by the MTEA against the Milwaukee School District (MSD). In the suit, the MTEA makes the heinous claim that a recreational lifestyle drug should come before the employment of some [...]
In what industry analysts are calling “a first,” news has leaked that an airline crew has completed an overnight layover without a single flight attendant being ravaged. According to the information, which will appear in an NTSB preliminary report scheduled for release later today, last week an AirTran flight attendant lodged an official complaint with [...]
NEW YORK – On a day that should have been spent anguishing between Vera Wang and Oscar de la Renta, Chelsea Clinton was instead left to pore over powerful fungicides in the hope they could clear up a massive fungal cap that sprouted suddenly on her head. The fleshy fungus stalk appeared as Chelsea made [...]
Sweeps Week shocker planned: hubby to slaughter, butcher and eat wife on ‘Man Woman Wild’
Swine flu – it’s like bird flu – only new!Obama considers resigning presidency to host show on The Travel ChannelDennis Rodman: Conquest of 2,000 women a ‘teachable moment’ for parentsLohan checks more items off her “Bucket List” of celebutard achievementsPelosi alleges conspiracy by “all Americans” to thwart her poll numbers
St. Louis Cardinals to hire Brandon Phillips as motivational speaker
