SACRAMENTO, Calif. – Desperate to balance a budget shortfall of $26 billion without encroaching on long-established state entitlements such as free education, health care, and maid service, California’s legislature has reached an agreement with Governor Schwarzenegger on a bill that would seize the corpse of recently deceased pop icon Michael Jackson, which remains unburied, under state eminent domain laws. The state would then auction off the fallen king of pop to the highest bidder. Funds would go directly toward eliminating the budget deficit.

“We regret having to take these onerous steps,” said Senate Leader Bristled Enlarger, D-Sacramento. “But we’ve already asked all we can of the people. For example, in these difficult times, the state will no longer provide cooking and cleaning services for those who can in fact cook and clean – at least not until we’re out of this awful recession.

“With the low-hanging fruit already plucked, it’s time for creative solutions like this.”

Members of Jackson’s family, including Jermaine, Latoya, and the Reverend Jesse Jackson, strongly oppose the plan, although legal experts say there is little they can do in light of recent cases citing the controversial eminent domain law.

“The state can seize your house if they want to build a freeway, they can bulldoze your business if they want to gentrify a neighborhood, and they can certainly expropriate your loved one’s corpse in the interest of the people’s well being, which in this case means lowering their budget deficit,” said Skeet Tousle, an attorney and eminent domain expert who has argued similar cases unsuccessfully before the Supreme Court.

“It’s really a shame in this case. Had they managed to bury him, I doubt the state would have been able to dig him up and proceed with the auction.”

Jackson’s corpse has been lying in state since his death a month ago as conflict among family members continues to rage around where it should be laid to rest.

During debate of the bill, controversy centered not around whether or not it was appropriate for the state to lay claim to the body of Jackson, but on the question of the state’s ability to command a meaningful price at auction.

“The consensus is that we can,” said Enlarger. “We have already seen a lot of interest expressed from several big players.”

Although Enlarger would not reveal specific bids, he said the state had received inquiries from the Smithsonian Institute, which would likely mummify the felled phenom, as well as Madame Tussauds, which says it would be saved the trouble of casting a wax mold of Mr. Jackson if it could have his actual preserved corpse instead.

MJ - worth more dead than alive?

Enlarger also said several wealthy individuals had expressed interest, including Larry King, Macaulay Culkin, Elizabeth Taylor and Paul McCartney.

Larry King in particular is reported to be eager to land the corpse, according to a source within his studio who asked not to be identified because he is not authorized to speak without Mr. King’s permission.

“Larry would love to have Michael’s corpse mounted in his studio and have it appear in frame during his broadcasts,” said the source. “It would remind him and his viewers that Larry is in fact alive.”

McCartney, according to record industry analysts, could easily finance the full target price of the corpse – $26 billion – simply by reacquiring the rights to the Beatles songs that Jackson has held since the 1980s and licensing “Happiness Is a Warm Gun” to pop tart Miley Cyrus’ Hannah Montana show.

“It really would be a sweet redemption for him,” said Horace Whorestaff, the CEO of Litigation Records. “Once, Michael owned the Beatles songs. Now, it will be the other way around, with Paul owning Michael, quite literally.”

In addition, the Korowai tribe of southeastern Papua are said to be attempting to organize a bid, although their resources are limited and it is unclear how viable Jackson’s month-old corpse would be to their presumed intent for it. The Korowai are still known to practice cannibalism.

Given all the interest, Enlarger said the state was also considering leasing the corpse instead of selling it outright, which “in effect would entail a renewable resource,” he said, possibly even qualifying the state for more bailout money under certain “green” provisions set out in federal assistance programs. Leasing the corpse would rule out cannibals, since it would have to be returned in the condition it was received, he added.

“But if someone steps up with a bid of $26 billion outright, which gets  us where we need to go, we will of course turn him [Jackson’s corpse]  over to that party in perpetuity,” he reiterated.

Barring any successful legal challenges, Jackon’s remains will be auctioned at an invitation-only event sometime next month.

Originally posted 2009-07-22 12:45:21. Republished by Blog Post Promoter