WASHINGTON – Ever since Apple released the iPhone 4, its latest over-hyped gadget aimed at the millions of Americans seeking self affirmation through fashion accessories that double as functioning technology, the device’s FaceTime feature has been among the phone’s most popular assets. It didn’t take consumers long to realize that FaceTime, which allows the iPhone’s [...]
NEW YORK – On a day that should have been spent anguishing between Vera Wang and Oscar de la Renta, Chelsea Clinton was instead left to pore over powerful fungicides in the hope they could clear up a massive fungal cap that sprouted suddenly on her head. The fleshy fungus stalk appeared as Chelsea made [...]
July 28, 2010 | Posted in
National News |
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BRISTOL, Conn. – ESPN, already the self-anointed worldwide leader in sports, is now hoping to make a splash in the food safety beat. The over-hyped sports network has completed a fastidious compilation of select violations rung up against eateries at renowned sporting facilities throughout the country. In ferreting through reams of inspection results from MLB, [...]
July 26, 2010 | Posted in
Sports |
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WASHINGTON – Even as the Senate overcame a Republican filibuster that sought to prevent a $33.9 billion extension of unemployment benefits from being “financed” with more debt, President Obama single-handedly reduced the unemployment rate of the three Americans who joined him at a press briefing Monday in the Rose Garden from 100 to zero percent [...]
July 21, 2010 | Posted in
National News |
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CUPERTINO, Calif. – In response to a chorus of complaints from users of its iPhone 4, Apple announced today that it had determined the cause of the problem and was prepared to offer a solution to all affected customers. Although Steve Jobs, Apple’s beleaguered CEO, had earlier complained bitterly that reported problems with the iPhone [...]
MOBILE, Ala. – Recently released free-agent quarterback and epic NFL draft bust JaMarcus Russell is borrowing a fresh page from the LeBron James free-agency playbook. Today he announced that he has narrowed the list of teams contending to be the next chapter in his infamous career to five and that he will reveal the winning [...]
July 9, 2010 | Posted in
Sports |
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WASHINGTON – After BP proposals with patently absurd names such as “Top Hat,” “Top Kill” and “Junk Shot” failed to stem the flow of oil from the Gulf Leak, the Obama administration is hoping to ratchet up such rhetorical foolery even more, aiming to literally harness it by directing the hot air it produces to [...]
June 17, 2010 | Posted in
National News |
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WASHINGTON – In another highly suspect political quid pro quo, the Obama administration has confirmed it is offering embattled BP CEO Tony Hayward a position on a “presidential or other Senior Executive Branch Advisory Board” in exchange for resigning from the company and turning control of the Gulf oil-spill recovery efforts to blockbuster Hollywood film [...]
June 3, 2010 | Posted in
National News |
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WASHINGTON – Greek officials were left to anguish over what might have been today after failing to finalize a promising agreement that would have canceled one third of the country’s obligations under a proposed 750 billion-euro rescue package for the failed socialist state. The United States had been increasingly vocal with concerns about its $54 [...]
May 12, 2010 | Posted in
World News |
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WASHINGTON – The wildly popular “cash for clunkers” plan, the latest governmental indulgence of chronically imprudent consumerism, is going over so well among Congressmen eager to insulate their self-entitled constituents from Great Depression v2.0 that its scope is being expanded even as it still awaits approval in the Senate. The cash-for-clunkers plan momentarily redirects the [...]
May 6, 2010 | Posted in
National News |
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