WASHINGTON – Reeling from back-to-back blizzards that dumped more than three feet of snow on the Washington, D.C. area, the Federal Government and U.S. Capitol remained shuttered for a record fourth consecutive day today. Nevertheless, life continued as normal throughout the 50 states, unnerving democrats everywhere.
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi pointed out several examples [...]
February 11, 2010 | Posted in
National News |
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“There are many parallels between Port-au-Prince and New Orleans: Billions of dollars in squandered government aid money; chronic, multi-generational poverty; rampant crime and looting; unbridled government corruption; official victimhood status at the hands of the white devils; and voodoo.
February 8, 2010 | Posted in
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NEW YORK – Orphan futures, under relentless pressure since the earthquake that devastated Haiti on Jan.23, enjoyed a dramatic turnaround today during heavy trading on the New York Mercantile Exchange.
The surge, which saw spot unit prices for March delivery of orphans spike $5, or 20%, came after traders received word that sightings of aggressive bulk [...]
February 1, 2010 | Posted in
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LAS VEGAS -
Pornographic Arts (PA), which recently acquired the rights to the popular line of Tiger Woods computer and console games, announced new details about its plans for its relaunch of the series. The updated edition, tentatively titled “Tiger Woods PGA Tour 11: In the Buff and the Rough” and slated for release in early [...]
January 4, 2010 | Posted in
Entertainment |
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OCOEE, Fla. – Animal control officers responded to reports of a wounded but dangerous cougar on the loose at the sprawling compound of Tiger Woods in a predawn incident today that marked the latest bizarre episode to befall the star-crossed golfing lothario. The officers were dispatched over fears that the cougar, though cornered and injured, [...]
December 8, 2009 | Posted in
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PITTSBURGH – A coalition of Pittsburgh Women’s Shelters dedicated to combating domestic violence issued a joint press release today thanking the Oakland Raiders for sparing “untold numbers” of Pittsburgh-area women from more serious injuries Sunday evening.
Earlier in the day, the Pittsburgh Steelers suffered an embarrassing, overtime loss to the struggling Kansas City Chiefs. The Chiefs [...]
November 23, 2009 | Posted in
Sports |
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NAIROBI, Kenya – Silver screen heart throb Johnny Depp is missing and feared dead off the cost of Kenya today in the aftermath of a gun battle between the U.S.-flagged Maersk Alabama and Somali Pirates.
The 46-year-old Depp, who this week was awarded People Magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive” accolade for the second time, was aboard the [...]
November 18, 2009 | Posted in
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WANTAGE, N.J. – During a hastily convened press conference late last night, an emotional Lou Dobbs stood on his front lawn and excoriated the practice of using imported firearms and ammunition.
Less than an hour earlier, a preliminary crime lab report had come back confirming the type of bullet and gun used in the Oct. 5 [...]
October 31, 2009 | Posted in
National News |
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NEW YORK - NBC’s breathless coverage of the farcical fraud cooked up by Richard and Mayumi Heene last week drew widespread ridicule among the handful of viewers intelligent enough to notice. Now, despite the fact that that portion of its demographic is shrinking on a daily basis, the network is seeking to repair its image [...]
October 19, 2009 | Posted in
National News |
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WASHINGTON/OSLO – In a shocking decision announced today that revealed a sea change in the thought process of the Norwegian Nobel Committee, President Obama was crowned the 2009 winner of the award.
The decision sparked an immediate flurry of criticism from observers worldwide who pointed out that President Obama has accomplished essentially nothing in the 262 [...]
October 9, 2009 | Posted in
World News |
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