SILVER SPRING, Md. – Discovery Channel, which airs the tasteless show “Man Woman Wild,” today gave away the surprise plot twist planned for the program during Fall Sweeps. The network confirmed that Mykel Hawke, the bizarrely spelled star of the fledgling reality show, will take his survival skills to a new level by cannibalizing his [...]
MINNEAPOLIS –Tattoo aficionado and former NBA rebounding phenom Dennis “The Worm” Rodman, speaking to an unknown gossip columnist with the Minneapolis Star Tribune, unveiled a startling claim yesterday, boasting that his sexual conquests total 2,000 victims women, or nearly one tryst for every six regular-season rebounds logged during his storied career. Even more surprising was [...]
ST. LOUIS – Reeling from a devastating pair of losses to the lowly Chicago Cubs that snuffed the euphoria following their triumphant sweep of the Cincinnati Reds, the St. Louis Cardinals are taking a drastic measure. They have created a full-time motivational speaker position on the team and offered it to Brandon Phillips, the second [...]
WASHINGTON – Pleasantly surprised by the feverish, nonstop major-network news coverage of an aircraft accident in Alaska despite the fact that it involved a single-engine float plane manufactured in 1952 with a maximum passenger capacity of only 10, the NTSB today proposed that the FAA require one member of the U.S. Congress to be aboard [...]
NEW YORK – The overnight transformation of JetBlue flight attendant Steven Slater from anonymous airline employee to social media darling has itself become a major media spectacle. Major newspapers and networks have been transfixed by his story, which started with an obscenity-laced swan song down an emergency exit slide after a confrontation with a scum-of-the-earth [...]
MADISON, Wis. – A coalition of wives of the Milwaukee Teachers Education Association (MTEA) has filed an amicus curiae in the ridiculous civil suit brought by the MTEA against the Milwaukee School District (MSD). In the suit, the MTEA makes the heinous claim that a recreational lifestyle drug should come before the employment of some [...]
NEW YORK – On an action-packed night in New York, Alex Rodriguez stroked his 600th career home run, a shot to straightaway center field against Toronto, then capped off the evening by trysting with three co-ed club goers at hip Manhattan nightlife spot Promenade. The feats brought him within 162 home runs and 4,000 sexual [...]
LOS ANGELES – Frustrated with a fourth death hoax that alarmed friends and families, aging comedian Bill Cosby took radical steps to prove to the word that he is, indeed, still alive. He called in to animated corpse and long-time CNN talker Larry King’s live show. As luck would have it, CNN’s weekday anchor Kyra [...]
DUBAI, United Arab Emirates – Looking to tap into the momentum generated by his wildly popular ban on BlackBerry devices, UAE President Khalifa bin Zayid Al-Nuhayyan today announced an expanded campaign against what he called “20th century technologies that offend the sensibilities.” “Bear in mind, this is just the start of even greater things to [...]
WASHINGTON – Ever since Apple released the iPhone 4, its latest over-hyped gadget aimed at the millions of Americans seeking self affirmation through fashion accessories that double as functioning technology, the device’s FaceTime feature has been among the phone’s most popular assets. It didn’t take consumers long to realize that FaceTime, which allows the iPhone’s [...]
Sweeps Week shocker planned: hubby to slaughter, butcher and eat wife on ‘Man Woman Wild’
Swine flu – it’s like bird flu – only new!
Obama considers resigning presidency to host show on The Travel ChannelDennis Rodman: Conquest of 2,000 women a ‘teachable moment’ for parents
Lohan checks more items off her “Bucket List” of celebutard achievements
Pelosi alleges conspiracy by “all Americans” to thwart her poll numbersSt. Louis Cardinals to hire Brandon Phillips as motivational speaker
