To some, Easter is the celebration of the resurrection of Jesus Christ, a story made popular by the 2004 Mel Gibson film ‘The Passion of the Christ’.

Photo of the mysterious Easter phenomenon taken from the parking lot of a nearby Wal-Mart

“Even though it was His day, we’re the one’s who were blessed with a gift. It’s a miracle!” said local resident Dancy Spackle.

“Praise. The. Lord.”

The phenomenon, which appeared in the skies of the rural Kansas village, has scientists baffled.

“I’ve seen some strange cloud formations, but never in my life ones that are not only comprised of Roman alphabetical characters, but are also arranged in such a way as to spell out a word. And not just any word, but a name. And not just any name either. The Son of God’s himself,” stated Runk Bunkmeyer, Chief Meteorologist for Wichita ABC affiliate KAKE.

Skeptics, however, aren’t buying it.

“Jesus [HAY-soose] is a well known Hispanic name,” said Tenth Lipbalm, a linguistics expert. “I don’t recall of any mention of the ‘Son of God’ being born in Spain. Or Mexico for that matter.”

Local youth minister Gym Upbeat argues that it is simply God’s way of reminding us that “Hey, I’m here guys. Hello?”

“No way. It’s a warning. And it’s message is clear: God is mad at the liberals for electing Osama [sic],” Spackle insists.

While the jury may still be out on this one, one wonders: How much will the famous signature go for on eBay?

Originally posted 2009-04-13 06:00:11. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

'Tot Mom' mom herself a suspect?

“She seems to know an awful lot more about this case than even Casey [Anthony],” said Dick Surelock, a detective working on the case, who spoke on a condition of anonymity.

“It’s a high-profile case, and sometimes that means high-profile suspects.”

Chunk Mullets, a spokesman for the Casey Anthony defense team, lauded the announcement.

“It’s about time. It’s like we been saying all along: Casey’s innocent. Woo ha!”

FBI profiler and author of the best-selling true crime series “Everyone’s A Serial Killer Sometimes”, Hannibal Bundy isn’t surprised.

“Killers often like to share intimate knowledge of their crimes with the public. It gives them a sense of empowerment as well as a forum where they can bounce their ideas off others. They love feedback, particularly from the media. In Nancy’s case, we see someone who is already a part of the media and thus, even more empowered and awash in feedback.”

Suspicions were first raised when Grace began spending the majority of her show covering the popular Florida murder.  Grace garnered ‘person of interest’ status once her show became a seemingly non-stop source of information unknown to police.

“Ms. Grace’s obsession with Caylee, coupled by the constant praise of her own offspring, could be a sign of an outward projection of deep-seeded guilt,” said Bundy, who cautioned the analysis was purely speculative.

“I can’t know the true source of her pathology unless I have her on my couch.”

“So to speak,” he was quick to add.

Meanwhile, Grace is expected to meet with detectives in Orlando sometime next week.

Grace, best known for her breathlessly accusatory verbal screeds on overly-hyped legal cases, could not, surprisingly, be reached for comment.

However, a source close to the hawk-nosed harlot of hyperbole claims Grace is “delighted to be visiting Orlando.”

“She can’t wait to return to the scene, um, I mean, Sunshine State, where she vacations from time to time.”

Originally posted 2009-04-29 07:00:36. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

The outrage stems from NASA’s failure to delay the launch despite the bat’s presence on one of the shuttle’s external fuel tanks.

“I’ve heard of people setting up barbecues, you know, and camping out for the space ship launchings and the like. But a bat? Using that blast furnace of a gas gobbler to cook it? Appalling!” said Nattering Poe, self-proclaimed ‘spokestestor’ for PETA, the protest’s organizer.

“Might as well call it ‘Eastern Sizzler’, I mean, come on!”

Yuck Combover, a witness to the launch had a different take on things.

“Awesome!” bellowed Combover, an FSU student and rabid launch fan, “It was like ‘Batman Ends’, get it? ‘The Dark Meat Knight’, right?”

He then burst out into uncontrollable laughter and was swiftly struck in the face by a protest sign that read ‘Bats are People Too.’

Triumph of man or critter cooker? You decide.

NASA’s response?

“The animal did not pose any threat to the crew or the mission,” said Clipboard Buttons, Terrestrial Beast Chief for NASA. “Everything was a go…and it went.”

He, too, was struck by the same protest sign.

PETA plans a memorial service for the flying rodent, but has yet to set a date.

Originally posted 2009-03-19 08:32:02. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Ultra Lo-Def TV in action

“We live in a country of freedom of speech. Naturally, that means having the right to watch TV no matter what Washington or the big tech companies dictate,” said Dorphine Yalp, head of consumer advocacy group American National Analog Lobby (ANAL). Yalp’s organization successfully convinced Congress to insert a last-minute provision that requires broadcasters to transmit a low-resolution analog signal simultaneously with its digital counterpart.

Non-digital viewers will still get to enjoy programming such as 'Heroes' and the Super Bowl

Instead of resolutions as high as 1080p, viewers backed by the ANAL proposal will receive their favorite programming in the classic 196p format, featuring a range of 16 colors and up to 8 different sprites viewable on-screen at a time.

“TV’s TV. What do I care how purty (sic) it looks?” said Hubbin Strapps, a resident of rural Iowa, when asked about his refusal to obtain even a free government-provided digital converter box.

“Hell, mine’s still got rabbit ears and you got to bang on it sometimes to make the picture stick,” Strapps continued, referring to his wood-encased, 1966 Zenith black and white television.

Originally posted 2009-02-07 12:05:41. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Well, almost.

Teen schlock flick factory Lionsgate has optioned the rights to the story with a projected release date set for fall of this year.

Desert island dilemma? Or easy excuse for suicide? You decide.

The movie, tentatively titled He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not is being billed as a dark comedy/horror feature and will focus on a heartbroken cheerleader’s revenge against her ex-boyfriend – the high school quarterback – after discovering that he – gasp – loves another girl.

The film is set to star Juno’s Ellen Page as the unstable cheerleader who snaps and High School Musical heartthrob Zac Efron as the heart-breaking quarterback. No word yet as to who will play his newfound love.

Writer/director Gosh Dreck, 39, describes the film as “a look into the dark side of the true-to-life vapid youth stereotype soul.”

“I mean, seriously, those three jokers on that show are supposed to be adults. But this puerile blubberfest shows how spoiled, stupid and useless today’s 18-34 year old’s really are. God forbid they ever breed!” Dreck added.

No tearjerkers here, unless you’re Melissa Rycroft. Sniffle.

Originally posted 2009-03-05 13:51:50. Republished by Blog Post Promoter