DETROIT – The money lost by mega-insurance company AIG in the fourth quarter of last year – $61.7 billion – has been found by an unemployed auto-parts supplier in Detroit. The man, 26-year=-old Jeremiah Wackenhut, discovered the money near mile marker 45 of Interstate 75, just west of the Clark Ave/State Hwy 3 exit.

New York-based AIG’s loss was the most money to vanish from a company in U.S. corporate history. Current CEO Edward Liddy blamed the loss of the money on ex-CEO Maurice “Hank” Greenberg.

“Exactly how he lost it, we don’t know, but it was lost on his watch, not mine,” said Liddy.

Greenberg, who still relies on handlers and spokesgirls despite his exile from AIG, disputed Liddy’s characterization of the money loss.

“Mr. Greenberg has never even been to Detroit, so how did the money end up there?” Greenberg spokesgirl Liz Bowyer said from her dorm room at Arizona State, where she is majoring in marketing communications.

Wackenhut, the man who found the money, says he was walking along Interstate 75 “like I always do when I’m trying to clear my thoughts” when he came across a large silver briefcase. Inside, he says, was $61.7 billion.

“Right away I knowed it was a lot of money,” he said. “I didn’t realize it was that much until I had gotten it home and had a chance to sit down and count it.”

Wackenhut, who has assembled a legal staff of several hundred lawyers in less than 24 hours, says he has no plans to return the money. His lead attorney, former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich, said the money was in a “secure location,” adding “Finders keepers, losers weepers.”

Liddy downplayed the chances his company would litigate over the lost money, saying his company was on the “road to recovery” and had made “meaningful progress.”

Jeremiah Wackenhut expresses enthusiasm over his lucky find

“We’ve received $180 billion in taxpayer money already, so why not let that taxpayer (Wackenhut) keep what he found? We think it’s the right thing to do,” said Liddy, despite the fact that Wackenhut’s miniscule lifetime taxes-paid-to-welfare-received ratio of 0.001801802 places him solidly in the “epic burden” category in the hierarchy of U.S. citizens (for comparison purposes, Octomom Nadya Suleman’s ratio is 400 times lower, at 4.504X10^-6).

Wackenhut hasn’t said how he plans to spend the money, but said he wants to buy a house.

With Detroit homes commanding a median selling price of $7,500, Liddy could snap up some 24 million homes.

Originally posted 2009-03-03 21:53:35. Republished by Blog Post Promoter